Help me be a good sport please! I'm new to Chess!

Hello!

Please help me!

I am very new to Chess, and by ‘Chess’, I mean taking the game seriously. I played when I was younger (age 7 and on), however; never seriously. Now that I’m older (27), I’ve reignited my love for the game, and this time from a more mature point of view.

I’ve been playing seriously for 9 months now. I’ve read Chess for Dummies 4^th edition through and through, recently bought and started working on the latest version of ‘My System/Chess Praxis’ by Aron Nimzowitsch (2016 version), joined a local chess club, started playing online, watching videos, and this Christmas my girlfriend bought me a subscription to Chess.com! So needless to say, I’m interesting in become a better chess player!

I’ve played 1vs.1 sports my entire life, e.g. Boxing, Wrestling. My father has raised me extremely competitive.  I’ve always thought of myself as a good sport, and not a bad loser. However, I think we have all felt the pain of loss at one time or another.

When I lose in Chess, I do the same thing I do in sports, - force a smile – shake hands - and congratulate my competitor. Although in Chess, I still feel pain, even after the game. It lingers with me a while occasionally. I have been trying very hard this last 9 months, and I know that ‘losing’ is part of the game; I know it is not going anywhere. I want help changing my perspective of losing. I respect my opponents, and I know they study hard too! Although I seem to keep taking certain losses personal. Alternatively, after blundering I really beat myself up for it, and the loss that comes with it. I am my worst critic.

Does anyone else have some of these similar feelings/struggles? It’s not that I am losing sleep over games lost, or anything extreme; however there is sometimes an initial ‘stab to the heart’ I feel, when I know that’s not how I should feel. I do not like that, I feel that way after a loss. I would love some genuine responses on how to become a ‘better loser’, because I know there will be plenty more most games for as long as I play chess! (Haha). Alternatively; ‘how to better take losses?’ My thinking needs to change. I know this.  I’d prefer to hear some deeper solutions other than, ‘It’s just a game’ – I’m aware! Thank you.

P.S. To recap - I’d presume most people would say at face value that I’m a good sport. This is true. Chess however, is a different animal to me, and it affects my pride and ego differently than contact sports do. What are some solutions you use to be a better sport? All of your opinions are much appreciated! Thanks again! – And good luck with your Chess!

Regards,

CyrusVanB

I don't know you, or why you feel the way you do, but your emotions are probably due to an underlying attitude not related to chess. Perfectionism.

1- Realize that the best players in the world are unable to play perfectly, and that engines will literally not lose a single game against a human.

2- Chess strength is not a reflection of general intelligence. Some not-so-bright people play really, really well, and some extremely bright people play very poorly. Your chess results mean nothing except how good at chess you are

3- Understand you will never stop making mistakes. Understand you are making mistakes even when you think you aren't. We all do. Chess is impossible to play perfectly unless you have a silicon brain.

4- Take joy in the fact that you can make fewer mistakes than you used to. Progress, not perfect play, is victory.

5- Play for enjoyment, the journey. If you play only to win and beat yourself up after losing, maybe you should stop. Well, it is just a game. Don't take yourself too seriously.

What a hasty response! What a spot on response! I think you nailed it with the perfectionism assessment. I also think you nailed it with the, ‘Chess is/is not’ a reflection of your intelligence. I think that’s been one of the underlying issues. I feel very inadequate when I lose, because I feel as if I’m ‘stupid’ for the loss. I don’t feel like my opponents are less than for losing… ~sarcastically says~ …’I mean, no one PERFECTLY STUDIED as PERFECT as I did, so why would they beat me?’ – I’m joking. That makes sense though. I take my loss as a strike against the outside’s view of my intelligence, when really they should not be in the same category. ‘Your chess results mean nothing except how good at chess you are.’- I needed to hear that. You made me feel great for posting my concern, and helping me get to some of the roots. Thank you 1818-1828271! (I love your name by the way, so unique, and fresh.)

CyrusVanB

Morethantwentycharac,

With my first draft, I did put that actually! I felt it was irrelevant though, because whether I’m losing at 1340 rating, or 2500 rating, my pride and ego are still be affected in the same manner. If it is relevant, I’d like my rating over 2,500. I don’t want to be smug, or condescending though if a lower rated player beats me etc.. (Which they do frequently/ and I treat people with respect at all levels). My point is: I don’t think my rating will make me impervious to the emotions I experience when losing. I’ll always lose at all levels of play. I want to change my thinking, permanently. Thank you for the input!

CyrusVanB

First of all, Chess is totally different than physical games. Chess is totally an intellectual game.

And it does take a person with a higher IQ to play Chess. 

What foils our fun, is that we seem to think we can always do better. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves because of the intellectual makings of it.

When you put less pressure on yourself, and just sit back and enjoy the game for what it is....a very stimulating, challenging puzzle.......then you will definitely calm down and see it all for what it is......just a game.

Competition is great, but to compete, you will actually have to have a few nerves of steel, since the best of them get beat at one time or another. 

If you aren't competing, then you won't need that.

Seriously......... don't take winning so seriously! The joy is in the journey.....the journey of getting there.

Thank you all for sharing these words. I've got a lot out of it, and I'm going to try to keep these things in my mind from this point forward. I'll need to practice. Thank you all!

CyrusVanB

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