It is I, the person who doodled the chess pieces.

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Unprofessional121212

Greetings handful of people who will see this post.  If you remember me, I'll have you know that I completely forgot I had an account on this website until a day ago.

If you don't know me, ok, cool.  All you need to know is that I am not good at chess.  If anything, my artistic vision of the game is my greatest association with it.

What's the big whoa this time?  I redrew my old chess drawings with the intent of improving them.  Complete with video-game like descriptions of each piece.

Pawn_Picture

Name: Pawn

Costs 1 Material

Moves a singular tile forward, can also move two tiles forward but only as their first move.  Captures to the side of where he moves, no more, no less.

Pros: Great at suppressing resistance, loves to control the board.

Cons: Cannot undo own errors, virtually useless without substantial backup.

"The Pawn has always been the most noble creature on the checkerboard battlefield, surpassing even the scary horse, as they referred to the knight.  Most pawns don't even see their own weakness.  To them, it is not about fighting and dying, the only thing that matters is surpassing the oppressors.  The pawn may be tasked with guarding their beloved king, but the Pawn's true path to fulfillment is to shed itself of its mortal form.  Filled with the underlying hope that being a Pawn is merely the first step, and that there are far greater machinations they can strive to become.  All in all, the Pawn doesn't give a flying fish about their king, the desire to BE the king is the real reason they advance."

Bishop_Light_Painting

Name: Bishop

Costs 3 Material

Can close an infinite amount of space in an instant, assuming you want to move diagonally.  Any piece directly within that path is susceptible to meeting their creator, at the hands of the bishop, as long as nothing blocks his path that is.

Pros: Controls half the board with ease, enjoys capturing rooks and Queens with cold precision

Cons: The other half of the board is a no go, struggles against the brunt of the Pawns.

"The Bishop has always been the strictest one on the checkerboard battlefield.  He wants nothing more than to protect his king and queen, even if he must bring the end to himself in return.  Oh yeah, and if you wish to stay on the good side of the bishop, then AT NO POINT will you question his incredibly tacky way of walking.  While always staying on the same colored tiles may look absurd to most, the Bishop genuinely believes with a whole heart that this he's supposedly the chosen one by the diagonal gods.  Nobody understands his mindset, we would just mindlessly nod our heads to his reasoning and allow him to do his thing.  We don't know for certain if the Bishop truly has a connection with the diagonal gods or if it's just a hoax.  We also would avoid asking about that bend in his hat, he refuses to retire it even after what the Rook did to it."

Horse_Photograph

Name: Knight

Costs 3 Material

Trots (and captures) the distance of two tiles in any way, then two tiles to the side.  No exceptions, this is the way of the horse. Any pieces standing between him and his destination will be promptly bypassed, courtesy of the Knight's mighty leap.

Pros: Is the only piece who can go through another piece, is good at finding blindspots in the foe's resistance, proves difficult to track down.

Cons: Isn't the most mobile unit on the board, requires backup by another knight to be truly safe

"The way of the knight may seem difficult to the uneducated piece, in reality it is as simple as making a great leap over a fence.  While the Knight may accumulate a few laughs due to the ridiculous appearance, I mean, his head is that of a horse's!  How many brave warriors do you know have an animal's head, huh?  Well... Despite this, the knight aspires to prove to the vast realm of chess that with the funny appearance of a steed comes the strength and mobility of a great warrior.  As long as he puts his mind to it, the Knight will be able to dodge and weave through any encounter and be the last gladiator who ends up mattering in the end.  Another important detail, don't give him carrots unless he asks for them, he takes it as an offense when you put food in his mouth."

The other half of the classic pieces are on their way, using this style is way more annoying than it looks.

Unprofessional121212

Rook_Mugshot

Name: Rook/Sailboat/Tower/Whatever the heck you want to call it

Costs 5 Material

Can close an infinite amount of distance, but only if you tell him to go horizontal or vertical. Anything that stands before the rook in his path can be dispatched, but he needs to have DIRECT access to the target.

Pros: Has a great time placing the enemy king into check, can feasibly control the entire board (unlike a certain diagonal fellow), 

Bonus: Has the ability to do a playful twirl with your king and protect him in the form of castling!

Cons: takes a long time to deploy, is extra painful to lose in the heat of combat.

"The other pieces like to come up with their own excuses as to why they are worth keeping in the late game. But the rook simply stands idly by, knowing he does not require an argument, that actions speak louder than words. Slow and steady he would always mutter to the pawns, he stands still as a building, waiting patiently with an eerily silent gaze for the right moment to wreak havoc on his adversaries. Sure, those so called adversaries might see him coming from a mile away. But when they do, it's practically too late. Quote un quote, the Rook is built to last. Unless you make fun of his costume, then he's flimsy as ever... He's had several identities and this is the one he feels the most comfortable in, let him wallow in his minor success for crying out loud!"

Unprofessional121212

The_King_Himself

Name: King

Costs 3 Material

Is able to move in any of the eight directions, unlike any of his associates. But he can only do it one tile at a time. This movement range is also his capture range, so don't get too close to him.

Pros: resists capture, has synergy with the Rook, makes the Queen look more powerful

Cons: useless without his pawns, the slowest piece on the board, you automatically lose if you lose him.

"There he stands, all high and mighty and what not. The King has always known that putting effort into doing things is hard, way too hard for somebody like him. The King also found out that employing armed men to do all the dirty work for him while he gets to be lazy is a very good investment. So what if he's the weakest one on the board, he's the only one with a brain. It's not like those other doofuses would be able to accomplish anything if they weren't told exactly what to do, or at least that's what the King tries to make us believe."

john_forsaken
epic
Loginpink2006

Why is the rook named rook_mugshot. Makes him sound evil

Unprofessional121212
Loginpink2006 wrote:

Why is the rook named rook_mugshot. Makes him sound evil

A stylistic choice, note how the Bishop says "Light painting"

BoardMonkey

Terrific work on this. You make art look easy.

Unprofessional121212

Self_Explanatory_Image

Name: Queen

Costs 9 Material

Is able to move in any of the eight directions, much like the King. However, she is completely unlimited in terms of speed.

Pros: Can do anything a Bishop and Rook can do, loves to checkmate defenseless kings, can be replaced with only a bit of pawn trafficking, not very hard to deploy.

Cons: And yet, she can't jump over a single thing, devastating to lose, you only start with one, there is no reason to pick the Rook or the Bishop over her when promoting which is quite sad for them.

"Here the Queen comes, standing high and mighty right beside her not as intimidating husband, the King. Admired across the entire chess board for her strength AND beauty. She is the legend that the Pawn sees inside himself, she is the envy of all the pieces. Many have asked the Queen if she truly earned her extreme amount of power, or if it was simply because she's the only... she on the board. What does the Queen respond with, you ask? She goes into entire hour long debates about the history of chess and how the Queen came to be. For the interest of time, it's basically a special power that one must earn. The road to success is long and grueling. But if you have the Queen mentality, you can cross it in no time!... But don't expect to gain the hops of the knight in doing so, she still won't look him in the horse face because of that."

Unprofessional121212

What? I'm not a chess piece!

Name: Checker

Costs an Undetermined Amount of Material

Can only move forward, similarly to the boisterous pawn. But they move diagonally, giving them much more freedom with their advance. They are required to jump 1 tile past their victim whenever they capture.

Pros: Unknown, as of now

Cons: Was not invited onto the chess board

"A spiteful, erratic disk that finds itself aimlessly shifting left and right perpetually. Nobody can really know what goes on in the mind of a checker, probably nothing good. Many have succumbed to the ferocity of the checker, not because it's actually that menacing, it's entirely due to how short the checker is. One second, a pawn is looking down into its twitching eyes, and the next he is decapitated by the monster's sudden bound. There's not much to say, honestly. Checkers are supposed to stay in the checker dimension, away from the Chess pieces. And yet they found themselves stuck with those irksome pieces, which is probably why it's so angry all the time."

Unprofessional121212

Plastic

Name: Army Man

Costs $0.99

Can't move at all. But they can shoot Cork bullets at nearby enemies, pushing them back 1 tile if possible. If a piece is within 2 tiles from the army man, then it will instead be captured.

"Your impending confusion is justified. The Army Man is not at all a chess piece. Due to the recent interdimensional time vortex that was opened on D 5 a few days ago, immigrants from other... Worlds have had their interests sparked in venturing into the Chess World. Not the army man though, they were forced to be here by an unknown personnel. They cannot refuse since the plates on their feet prevents them from doing anything other than stand guard. But hey, maybe this won't be so painful for them after all. I mean, what are the Chess pieces gonna do, capture him?"

Treason_I_Say!

Name: Crowned Checker (They can't have the same name as THE king after all)

Costs an Undetermined Amount of Material, probably more than the checker does.

Exactly the same as the checker, BUUUT they can also move backwards. As long as you tell them to go diagonally as always.

"Unlike their crown less brethren, these Checkers can actually feel the weight of their actions. Due to their increased intelligence and confidence from how nice their crown looks, they can make cold and calculated moves that leave even the Bishop himself stunned. They also possess the ability to speak English, fluently as well. Due to this, there have been several attempts to reason with the incoming Checker Army to befriend the chess pieces. But it's simply useless as the Checker's rage extends to their crowned variant also, and it outweighs their intelligence such that they cannot do anything other than trash talk their foes. And the insults get extremely personal. Previously we had wished to hear what goes on in a Checker's mind, but now, we'd love to forget what we've learned."

BoardMonkey

Great work. I mean seriously. This has been entertaining.

Unprofessional121212

Rubick's or somethin

Name: Puzzle Box

Costs 3x + 1 Material

Only moves one tile at a time, like a certain crowned fellow. Instead of traditional capturing, the cube has an attack that launches projectiles in all eight directions around itself, allowing it to slaughter 8 men at once. But they must wait five turns to replenish their stamina.

"The Puzzle Box has had several names, the puzzler, the cubed one, Rubick's cube, the mental devourer. Rest assured, Puzzle box has no idea what it is, or what it desires to become. All it wants to do is destroy the Chess pieces with it's shifting corners and sides. Don't you know how long it takes for them to manicure all those nooks and crannies? The Checkers know, and we have gotten one step closer to the reason for their perpetual anger."

Unprofessional121212

I_have_a_little...

Name: Dreidel

Costs 2 pieces

Is capable of moving like the queen in any direction, and also possessing the ability to bounce off the sides of the board and keep going. However, he cannot stop moving in any direction until he hits a wall or a piece. And he can only move once every 2 turns.

"A diabolical fiend indeed. With his ability to spin really fast and collide with his foes to tear them apart, it's no wonder Dreidel has to constantly take headache pills and always slurs his words in a funny way. He may seem very devoted to the dreadful chess invasion of 2024, but deep down, Dreidel longs for the good old days to come back. Where he could single handily decide whether Jewish children get to take candy or not. Don't ask about the symbols written on his flesh, because he has no idea what they mean either."