JOKES!!!

Share a joke with me. I need to laugh or god knows what'll happen if I don't ... funny stories everything (funny) is welcome!

A skeleton walks into a bar, the bartender says "what'll you have?"

The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."

A white knight walks into a bar, and the barman says: "We've got a whisky named after you."

So the horse says: "You've got a whisky named Henry?"

hehe

one day, a wolf killed a sheep. A hippopotumus saw this incident so the wolf told the hippopotumus to not tell the truth about it." you must not tell anyone that i killed this sheep. if they ask, tell them that it was killed and eaten by my cousin, the lion or else i will kill you." the hippopotumus took time to think and finally said " I'm sorry, i can't cause hips don't lie"

i always like this one....

It would be funny if someone prank called papa johns and order an expensive haircut.

A man goes to buy a talking dog, he gets there and the dog says 'Alright mate?'.

The man says 'Jesus!  I've seen it all now.'

Dog says 'Oh yeah, I've been in the movies, couple of spots on TV.  Done Oprah last week.  I've ran 6 marathons.  Won Crufts 5 years in a row.  Last year I was in Iraq sniffing out explosives.'.

So the man says to the owner 'Why are you selling him?'

Owner says 'Coz he's a lying bastard.'. 

why is it called the xbox 360

because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk out the store.

Lol.. nice one!

The 5th funniest joke in Scotland this year:

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."