the therapist's couch

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tomtrytostay
Hi. I thought it might be fun to give people the opportunity to talk about the suffering they've endured and the confusion they feel . Any sadness or confusion they are experiencing .

I think that people are never more beautiful than when they show their vulnerability and it's good to have a place to vent .

So any confusion or sadness you might feel then feel free to express it here .
tomtrytostay
I'll start.
tomtrytostay
I guess it might be hard for this thread to take off because this isn't exactly the most secure of environments
tomtrytostay
I guess the safer you feel the more you'll open yourself up
tomtrytostay
Still we'll see.
tomtrytostay
Okay here's me .

Well. Hmm. Where should I start?
tomtrytostay
I've found it very difficult during my life to relate to people . I've had very few friendships and the friendships I've had have inevitably failed.
tomtrytostay
I'm temperamental . I fixate . I talk too much . I'm jealous and insecure . I'm paranoid .
tomtrytostay
Those are my good points .
tomtrytostay
I had a difficult childhood . I never really felt loved you know? I was never once told I was loved and never embraced . My parents were very volatile . Things would get thrown about and so on.
tomtrytostay
I never look back on my childhood with any fondness at all. In fact I never look back on it.
tomtrytostay

It wouldn't be so bad if I could relate well to people now but I can't. I meet the odd person that I seem to click with but it never gets further than a distant fondness . A sort of oh Tom is quite nice in small doses sort of thing I suppose

tomtrytostay
I have met people I'd like to hang out with and talked with them about it but I've always been met with rejection . I've stopped asking now I think .
tomtrytostay
It's the hope that kills you . I've accepted I won't have a friend and it's more comfortable now
tomtrytostay
It can be hard though . I see people laughing and joking with others and it's a bit like its Christmas morning and I'm the only one without a present.
tomtrytostay
Life scares the shit out of me . It really does . I'm so so scared of what the future will bring . It terrifies me .
tomtrytostay
I'm so inadequate in so many ways and I feel so vulnerable.
tomtrytostay
I have this thing . I can't do something for me . It's like I need a permission to experience beauty . I think perhaps I just don't feel I deserve it . Maybe it's a guilt complex because of mistakes I've made or maybe I just have such a low self esteem I just can't bring myself to give me anything nice .
tomtrytostay
It frustrates me that I have behavioural problems . I want to be a gentleman but sometimes I'm more like a wild animal . I genuinely don't want to upset anyone but sometimes I make mistakes and it frustrates me .
tomtrytostay
I feel like I'm just scraping through life , trying to keep my head above water till I die . Constantly scared.