"...I've tolerated this for years now, but today I finally had my breaking point...".
If you have had this for years then I would suggest your poor internet is the issue. Sounds like that is what you have been tolerating. Don't lash out at a system that is meant to protect from rampant abandoning. It's not unfair as you say.
"...Let's be real: when you click that play button you're signing up to play a game that takes as long as you've agreed to..".
The key words are TO PLAY A GAME. Not to waste one's time sitting around for someone with internet issues or someone who has abandoned a game. We all have limited time. If someone signs up to play a game, that is what they signed up for.
"..I just took 2 minutes to get my internet back working..."
So what? If the disconnect time was set to two minutes you would be here complaining if you 'only' took two and a half minutes to connect.
"...chess.com decided to rip me of my elo in a winning position when I still had over 2 minutes on my clock! I had a whole blitz game I could've played...".
Anecdotal and no one cares.
"...Let's be fair: you signed up to play for that many minutes...".
Again, you even use the word 'Play'. People want to play - not wait potentially the entire time.
"..I very well could spend 90 seconds on my move just thinking, but all of a sudden I've disconnect..".
You do not get disconnected for thinking. But at some point it does become stalling.
"... chess.com decides they hate me...".
Grow up. There is nothing personal in enforcing rules.
"..I can always go to lichess who has constantly proven themselves to be better, and quite frankly, I'm only still here for a few users...".
Go.
While i agree with the general sentiment of this post, the conclusion is ridiculous. You can't just get rid of game abandonment mechanic. especially longer blitz or rapid games, you can't expect millions of people every day to sit there and just wait for 10 or so minutes for a game to end, thats absurd. All you would do is push people to move to other chess sites where they can actually play as opposed to just sitting there for a certain amount of their games waiting for time to run out.
we aren't chess professionals, we aren't making money from playing here, why should we have to burn time waiting just because you dont have good internet? I agree 60 seconds is not long enough, i think 3-4 minutes should be the maximum time allotted however.
If you play bullet then game abandonment should be removed yes, because maximum of 2 minutes is short amount of time, and realistically if u disconnect by the time u come back the games already over or ur got so little time that the game is basically decided at that point. For blitz i think a maximum of 2 minutes is fine, and for Rapid anything more than 5-6 minutes is completely unnecessary. 5-6 minutes is more than enough time to fix whatever internet connection issue you had. If you have a bigger problem than that with your power or internet that is completely on you. if you have issues like that why are you even playing rated games? fix your stuff first, then play.
In any online ranked game, its not like you get the benefit of having time to reconnect, if u disconnect u disconnect, game over, or you're severely disadvantaged. You shouldn't be so critical of the abandon mechanic, its not extremely unreasonable, but it could be more forgiving i think