We need to bring our own batteries? I've got thousands. You can borrow (or take)
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?

You most certainly may have our attention. If you want to retain said attention, please use paragraphs with appropriate spacing. Pictures of kittens would be an important tool also.

How the f*** do I get to a NY sewer line in time during a major international emergency if I'm living in Europe? (That's that small country between the Crimea and Magnus Carlsen's house).
It has come to my attention that while Erik and staff have created an excellent site, we have never had an emergency evacuation plan. Fires,Floods,Earthquakes. Every government has fire escape routes posted. Should we have, god forbid, a fire or some un-planned catastrosphic emergency, we NEED to be prepared. When the alarm sounds, you need to exit your thread, in an orderly fashion, in single file, preferably alphabetical, and whatever you do; DON'T PANIC. Myself and Macer will be stationed at the exit doors, handing out emergency preparedness kits. These kits will consist of 1 pencil,(no eraser), 1 roll of toilet paper to write on, 1 flashlight, a rope, a bag of M&M's, and a small transistor radio,(batteries not included), to keep you informed of any other announcements. The frequency for chess.com will be 97.3FM. After exiting, stay together as a group. In the untimelly, and unwanted death of both Erik and Kohai, I will be in command at a secret designated location. The last person exiting the forums needs to turn off the lights, and close the door. We are asking for your asistance in this matter. We also need volunteers to be thread leaders. Glorax, Winerkleiner,gg, Batgirl,Ubik, BigPoison,Dashkee,Steve212000, baddogno, Einstein THIS MEANS YOU. You have shown leadership capabilities in the past. The Ghostess Lola, and Aeatheldred will be in charge of keeping all the children together. All trools will meet in a New York sewer line, where you can designate your own leaders. PDF's will be E-mailed to you with further instructions. I beleive these emergency drills will save lives.Remedial training will be schduled for every other weekend. After the all-clear signal is given, it will be safe for you to re-enter the forums. One more thing, will the person who owns a blue VW bus, please move your vehicle. Your parked in the WRONG THREAD. SUGGESTIONS WELCOME!