Can I have cigarettes in my survival kit, I just watched George Segal in "King Rat" I need bartering leverage to start, I'll do more than survive, I'll thrive.
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
Sort:
Ironman111 evilized:
It has come to my attention that while Erik and staff have created an horrible site, we have always had an emergency evacuation plan. Fires,Floods,Earthquakes. No government has fire escape routes posted. Should we have, god forbid, a fire or some planned catastrosphic emergency, we NEED to be prepared to die painfully. When the alarm sounds, you need to destroy your thread, in an chaotic fashion, in swarms,preferably with guns pointed at each other, and whatever you do; DO PANIC. Myself and Macer will be stationed at the exit doors, handing out emergency suicide kits. These kits will consist of 1 pistol,(no ammo), 1 bag of unsafe food,1 grenade, a cyanide pill,a nuke, and a mini TV to show porn. The chance a nuke will drop on chess.com will be 9999999999999% After exiting, stay away from each other.In the timely, and wanted death of both Erik and Kohai, I will be shooting all of you with a gun at a secret designated location. The last person exiting the forums needs to wreck the lights, and blow the door off its hinges. We are asking for your assistance in your inevitable death.We also need volunteers to be kamikazes. Glorax, Winerkleiner,gg, Batgirl,Ubik, BigPoison,Dashkee,Steve212000, baddogno, Einstein THIS MEANS YOU. You have shown no fear of death in the past. The Ghostess Lola, and Aeatheldred will be in charge of beating all the children with clubs. All trolls will meet in a New York sewer line, where you will engage in sexual penetration. PDF's will be E-mailed to you with further instructions. I beleive these emergency drills will result in heavy loss in life.Raping will be schduled for every other weekend. After the "you're dead" signal is given, I will blow up the world. One more thing, will the person who owns a blue VW bus, surrender so we can beat you to death with a club.Your are inferior compared to me.WILLING SUICIDERS WELCOME!
Note:This is for your enjoyment,not because I'm evil.
May 9, 2015
0
#45
RonaldJosephCote wrote:
It has come to my attention that while Erik and staff have created an excellent site, we have never had an emergency evacuation plan.(Why?)Fires,Floods,Earthquakes. Every government has fire escape routes posted. Should we have, god forbid, a fire or some un-planned catastrosphic emergency, we NEED to be prepared. (There can't be fires in the WWW.)When the alarm sounds, you need to exit your thread, in an orderly fashion, in single file, preferably alphabetical, and whatever you do; DON'T PANIC. (You mean to stop tracking the thread,right?)Myself and Macer will be stationed at the exit doors, handing out emergency preparedness kits. (You are assuming that the internet collapses.)These kits will consist of 1 pencil,(no eraser), 1 roll of toilet paper to write on, 1 flashlight, a rope, a bag of M&M's, and a small transistor radio,(batteries not included), to keep you informed of any other announcements. (Not the best for an emergency,but if that's what you only have than it's okay.)The frequency for chess.com will be 97.3FM. After exiting, stay together as a group. (Do you have a group for this?)In the untimelly, and unwanted death of both Erik and Kohai, I will be in command at a secret designated location. The last person exiting the forums needs to turn off the lights, and close the door. We are asking for your asistance in this matter. We also need volunteers to be thread leaders. Glorax, Winerkleiner,gg, Batgirl,Ubik, BigPoison,Dashkee,Steve212000, baddogno, Einstein THIS MEANS YOU. You have shown leadership capabilities in the past. The Ghostess Lola, and Aeatheldred will be in charge of keeping all the children together. All trools will meet in a New York sewer line, where you can designate your own leaders. (You are assuming that there is no other place.)PDF's will be E-mailed to you with further instructions. I beleive these emergency drills will save lives.Remedial training will be schduled for every other weekend. After the all-clear signal is given, it will be safe for you to re-enter the forums. One more thing, will the person who owns a blue VW bus, please move your vehicle.(Who?)Your parked in the WRONG THREAD. SUGGESTIONS WELCOME!
May 9, 2015
0
#46
Ironman111 wrote:
Ironman111 evilized:
It has come to my attention that while Erik and staff have created an horrible site, we have always had an emergency evacuation plan. Fires,Floods,Earthquakes. No government has fire escape routes posted. Should we have, god forbid, a fire or some planned catastrosphic emergency, we NEED to be prepared to die painfully. When the alarm sounds, you need to destroy your thread, in an chaotic fashion, in swarms,preferably with guns pointed at each other, and whatever you do; DO PANIC. Myself and Macer will be stationed at the exit doors, handing out emergency suicide kits. These kits will consist of 1 pistol,(no ammo), 1 bag of unsafe food,1 grenade, a cyanide pill,a nuke, and a mini TV to show porn. The chance a nuke will drop on chess.com will be 9999999999999% After exiting, stay away from each other.In the timely, and wanted death of both Erik and Kohai, I will be shooting all of you with a gun at a secret designated location. The last person exiting the forums needs to wreck the lights, and blow the door off its hinges. We are asking for your assistance in your inevitable death.We also need volunteers to be kamikazes. Glorax, Winerkleiner,gg, Batgirl,Ubik, BigPoison,Dashkee,Steve212000, baddogno, Einstein THIS MEANS YOU. You have shown no fear of death in the past. The Ghostess Lola, and Aeatheldred will be in charge of beating all the children with clubs. All trolls will meet in a New York sewer line, where you will engage in sexual penetration. PDF's will be E-mailed to you with further instructions. I beleive these emergency drills will result in heavy loss in life.Raping will be schduled for every other weekend. After the "you're dead" signal is given, I will blow up the world. One more thing, will the person who owns a blue VW bus, surrender so we can beat you to death with a club.Your are inferior compared to me.WILLING SUICIDERS WELCOME!
Note:This is for your enjoyment,not because I'm evil.(You worded it wrong.Either that or you are evil.)
May 9, 2015
0
#47
Well how did I miss this fun thread the first time that it came thru ? On the subject of flashlights we should go with the type that lets you crank them up to charge it up, getting batteries is such a hassle.
Ahh, this thread. Its not bad indeed.
This was May I Have Your Attention Please--Part 2 
It has come to my attention, secretly from some members that chess.com has been influtrated by "dorment terrorist cells". Erik is working closely with the FBI, and we have raised the threat level from green to Defcon 2. Your safety is of utmost importance to myself and staff. If you see anyone acting suspeciously, inform the staff at once. If you see anyone hanging around, inform the staff at once. DO NOT take any action on your own. DO NOT travel in the forums alone. Travel in groups, there is safety in numbers. Camera's will be mounted in ALL threads in the near future. These forums have had weddings, funerals, fires, train wreaks, cage fights. The last thing Erik needs is the publicity that will come from a thread being blown up. PLEASE! Your assistance and co-opperation is needed in these matters. Should such a tragedy occur while your here, the walking wounded will assemble at Jac1yn's desk with your tickets in hand. Like my last thread announcement,(MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE 1), we will need volunteers to assist. If you think you have what it takes to run INTO danger instead of AWAY from it; If you have what it takes when ALL is crumbling down around you, Kohai will be taking applications on Thurs. You will also earn bonus points for this. This program is only open to current members. Muted or previously banned members are NOT eligible. You will also receive a cool chess.com volunteer badge which you must wear when posting during these periolous times. Erik will be offering life insurance to all premium members. I suggest you pay your premiums before posting. Its a complicated world, and we're not getting any younger. We are doing this to make chess.com a safe place for everyone. If you have any knowledge of these "dorment terrorist cells", notify myself or Aetheldred. We will be running point on this. Thank You!
Huh? Erik is upset with this thread? Why?