The Woman Without a Country

For once, I'm going to share something serious and if any of you have any thoughts on this, I'd love it if you responded.

Today is the Fourth of July, the Independence Day of the United States. I haven't hung the flag out in a long, long time, but I hung it out this morning because a guest we have had for well nigh a week is with us and wanted to know how Americans celebrate this day. Certainly putting up the flag is one thing Americans do on national holidays, so I did it for her.

Now, here's my dilemma -- actually, it's not really a dilemma, it's just my situation: I was born in Latvia, but, though I still have relatives there and communicate with them, I do not feel fully "Latvian". Yes, I still speak the language fluently and have participated in many Latvian festivities over the years, and have sung the beautiful folk songs of that country and love much of the little I know of its culture. But I don't feel a part of it.

After we fled Latvia just before Communism took over and spent four years in Germany as Displaced Persons, we came to America. That was most fortunate, as, for all its faults, America is a GREAT place in which to live. I became a naturalized citizen in the 1950's (don't remember the exact year). But I do not feel "American", whatever that means. It's not just that I've soured to its political scenarios, and it's not just that I hate the corruption here (which country is free of corruption?), but I just don't feel as though I'm part of its culture or lifestyle.

I wonder about people saying they're "proud" to be citizens of this country or that country. How is an accident of birth or circumstances cause for pride? What is one "proud" of?

It is great to have a sense of "belonging", be it in a country, a church, a community, a family -- or a chess club (!). But I am simply missing that feeling when it comes to patriotism.

Does anyone else feel that way, or is this just one more thing to add to the ever increasing ways that I am "different"?