15747 Players currently online!
Man vs. Machine - good luck!
Turn-based games at any time!
Vote for the best move to win!
Do you have what it takes?
Sharpen your tactical vision!
Get advice and game insights!
Learn from top players & pros!
View millions of master games!
Your virtual chess coach!
Perfect your opening moves!
Test your skills vs. computer!
Find the right private coach!
Can you solve it each day?
Bring it all together!
Beginners, start here!
Make friends & play team games!
News from the world of chess!
Search all Chess.com members!
Find local clubs & events!
Who's the best of your friends?
Read what members are saying!
@Billphilip and Nowandzen, good ones!
A hot girl said she would have sex with me if I advertised for some bathroom cleaner. I declined, as I am a man of strong moral principles. Just as strong as Ajax, the powerful toilet stain remover. Now scented in lemon and vanilla.
What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and maybe use some lubricant.
#902 was great!
Four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.
1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?
Give your wife a shovel!
Mafia was looking for a traitor. They were looking in Las Vegas in the brothels and casinos and restaurants but not found. Because he hid himself in the library.
-- Oh, no, you dint! Do you Know today is Mother's Day?! Are you Trying to get in trouble with every woman chessplayer on this site? Did you learn Nothing from Bill Philips' wonderful joke that made fun of Men?
I'd demand an apology from you, to all wives everywhere, but it's probably too late. I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed. (............)
One day BB King's wife decides to have his initials tatooed on her ass; 1 'B' on each cheek. That day when he comes home, she says "Look what I did dear", and pulls down her pants and bends over to show him. He looks at it and says "Who's Bob?"
Myself, I got a W on each cheek. So I bend over, it spells "WOW"!
(Then I roll over the other way, it spells "MOM"
Is the most important the letter "o" ?
WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST ?
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?
Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said 'Sister, I think it's your feet.
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. 'Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Little Johnny said, 'Well, I came home from school the other day and heard mum yelling from the bedroom... when I rushed upstairs Mum had her legs straight up in the air and she was crying, 'Oh God, I'm coming I’m coming '.
I gotta tell you, if our next door neighbour Mr Jones hadn't been on top of her and had her pinned down, we'd have lost her.'
A naked & drunk woman boards a cab in America. Driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.
Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before?
Driver: Cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering do you have money to pay me?
Moral: Assess the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure...
5/23/2015 - White Wins
by njacobson 2 minutes ago
Recent Posts First
by Ziryab 2 minutes ago
Wooden Chess set
by Darth_Algar 4 minutes ago
Why can't I play unrated games?
by skotheim2 4 minutes ago
Cursing ban. It's rediculous.
by Ziryab 5 minutes ago
does Kasparov plus score over Karpov
by NewArdweaden 5 minutes ago
by pilichowder 6 minutes ago
Correlation between chess and atheism.
by NewArdweaden 6 minutes ago
Vote Chess Not Voting
by Alessandro170 6 minutes ago
how to play over 30min game online?
by Alessandro170 9 minutes ago
Why Join | Chess Topics |
Help & Support |
© 2015 Chess.com
• Chess - English
We are working hard to make Chess.com available in over 70 languages. Check back over the year as we develop the technology to add more, and we will try our best to notify you when your language is ready for translating!