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Laughter is the best medicine


  • 2 weeks ago · Quote · #841

    BillPhilip

    An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

    "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

  • 2 weeks ago · Quote · #842

    varelse1

    "Little Jonny is sick, and he will not be able to go to school today."

    "Who is this?"

    "This is my mom!"

  • 2 weeks ago · Quote · #843

    kleelof

    LIttle girl comes home from school one day with a hand full of nickles(5 cent coin).

    Her mother asks ho she got all the nickles. The girl smiles and says 'All the boys at school gave me a nickle each to climb up the flag pole.'

    Her mother got angry and says, 'Dear, they are only doing that so they can see your underpants.'.

    The next day, the girl comes home with a had full of dimes. (10 cent coin)

    Her mother asks where she got the dimes, and she answers, 'All the boys at school gave me a dime  each to climb up the flag pole.'.

    Now here mother was almost livid, "I told you yesterday they just want to see your underpants. I want you to stop!'.

    The next day the girl comes home with a had full of quarters. (25 cent coin).

    Of course the mother knew where the quarters came from; "I thought I told you to stop climbing the flag pole. The boys just want to see your undershorts!"

    "That's OK mommy," the girl says, "Today I didn't wear any undershorts."

    Laughing

  • 14 days ago · Quote · #844

    Mikado777

    Little girl looking for a thong under shorts because she will to go on a trip with scouts. Mom says: you have to take a sleeping bag and a thermos and a spoon. But girl says: You know nothing. If I will have a thong under shorts, I will have  tent and a thermos and a spoon always Smile

  • 14 days ago · Quote · #845

    Rickett2222

    A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!

  • 14 days ago · Quote · #846

    Rickett2222

    Please, tell me, if a black female cat has crossed one's path there and back again, what does it mean? Has she doubled the punishment or canceled it?

    Is it a scalar cat or a vector one?
    Scalar is magnitude and vector is magnitude and direction.

  • 14 days ago · Quote · #847

    Rickett2222

    What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-astrophy.

    Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

    How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

    What did the duck say to the bartender? Put it on my bill.

  • 12 days ago · Quote · #848

    varelse1

    Rickett2222 wrote:

    Please, tell me, if a black female cat has crossed one's path there and back again, what does it mean? Has she doubled the punishment or canceled it?Is it a scalar cat or a vector one?Scalar is magnitude and vector is magnitude and direction.

    .

    I used to know a guy who would go six milies out of his way, to avoid crossing the path of a black cat.

    .

    .

  • 12 days ago · Quote · #849

    Mikado777

    varelse1 написал:

    Rickett2222 wrote:

    Please, tell me, if a black female cat has crossed one's path there and back again, what does it mean? Has she doubled the punishment or canceled it?Is it a scalar cat or a vector one?Scalar is magnitude and vector is magnitude and direction.

    .

     

    I used to know a guy who would go six milies out of his way, to avoid crossing the path of a black cat.

    .

    .

    Ha ha  I know a one very educated man, who every time going to church and to kneel.

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #850

    PortugueseGuy

    OK, so I guess I probably don't have any friends, right?

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #851

    kleelof

    YOu were probably doing OK until you told them you play chess too.

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #852

    Chicken_Monster

    That math joke is funny and I like it a lot, but so not esoteric...

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #853

    Chicken_Monster

    Mikado777 wrote:
    varelse1 написал:

    Rickett2222 wrote:

    Please, tell me, if a black female cat has crossed one's path there and back again, what does it mean? Has she doubled the punishment or canceled it?Is it a scalar cat or a vector one?Scalar is magnitude and vector is magnitude and direction.

    .

     

    I used to know a guy who would go six milies out of his way, to avoid crossing the path of a black cat.

    .

    .

    Ha ha  I know a one very educated man, who every time going to church and to kneel.

    Why go to church at all then? It is no more important than kneeling in church. One can pray from home.

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #854

    PortugueseGuy

    kleelof wrote:

    YOu were probably doing OK until you told them you play chess too.

    Oh! I did worse than that. When I told them I played chess on Chess.com, my profile picture here was that of the moment of the impact of the second hijacked plane on 9/11 against the South Tower of the World Trade Centre. They became convinced I had been recruited by al-Qaeda.

    Moreover, now, when I go to school, I wear a jacket with a hood, and a scarf over my neck, mouth, and nose (simply because it's cold), in such a way that—so they say—I look like a terrorist.

    I also tell them maths jokes like: "What do you call a tea-pot with boiling water on top of Mount Everest?" — "A high-pot-in-use!"

    I think they're convinced there's something wrong with me.

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #855

    Mikado777

    Chicken_Monster написал:
    Mikado777 wrote:
    varelse1 написал:

    Rickett2222 wrote:

    Please, tell me, if a black female cat has crossed one's path there and back again, what does it mean? Has she doubled the punishment or canceled it?Is it a scalar cat or a vector one?Scalar is magnitude and vector is magnitude and direction.

    .

     

    I used to know a guy who would go six milies out of his way, to avoid crossing the path of a black cat.

    .

    .

    Ha ha  I know a one very educated man, who every time going to church and to kneel.

    Why go to church at all then? It is no more important than kneeling in church. One can pray from home.

    I think we can not understand. Do you understand the theory of relativity by Einstein? I have not. But someone understands Smile

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #856

    BillPhilip

    The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first at school?"

    The daughter answers, "First day? Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow?"

  • 11 days ago · Quote · #857

    WBFISHER

    I bought a defective mortar ......  it cost me an arm & a leg

    I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan .....  somebody is going to be wrong

    Why does the winner of the Miss Universe contest always come from earth?

  • 10 days ago · Quote · #858

    Mikado777

    BillPhilip написал:

    The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first at school?"

    The daughter answers, "First day? Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow?"

    LaughingLaughingLaughingLaughingLaughing It is very funny in my house. Thank you. Laughing

  • 10 days ago · Quote · #859

    motherinlaw

    WBFISHER wrote:

    I bought a defective mortar ......  it cost me an arm & a leg

    I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan .....  somebody is going to be wrong

    Why does the winner of the Miss Universe contest always come from earth?

    Because there are never any Martians on the judging panel!  The whole thing is rigged by Earthmen.  So never trust a guy from Earth.  

  • 9 days ago · Quote · #860

    PortugueseGuy

    WBFISHER wrote:

    Why does the winner of the Miss Universe contest always come from earth?

    Wait... Really? Every single time? Wow! I had no idea! Then I guess we should suggest to the jury that they should be more eclectic, don't you think?

    Also, here's one for you: why is it that, whenever I hear that someone is "American", they are almost always from the United States? :)


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