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Laughter is the best medicine


  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #901

    MoonlessNight

    @Billphilip and Nowandzen, good ones!

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #902

    MoonlessNight

    A hot girl said she would have sex with me if I advertised for some bathroom cleaner. I declined, as I am a man of strong moral principles. Just as strong as Ajax, the powerful toilet stain remover. Now scented in lemon and vanilla.

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #903

    MoonlessNight

    What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking?

    Slow down and maybe use some lubricant.

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #904

    varelse1

    Moonless night

    #902 was great!

  • 14 days ago · Quote · #905

    BillPhilip

    Four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.

    1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.

    2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.

    1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is?

    3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?

    1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know?

    4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.

    1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!

    4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!

  • 14 days ago · Quote · #906

    varelse1

    How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?

    Give your wife a shovel!

  • 13 days ago · Quote · #907

    Mikado777

    Mafia was looking for a traitor. They were looking in Las Vegas in the brothels and casinos and restaurants but not found. Because he hid himself in the library.

  • 13 days ago · Quote · #908

    motherinlaw

    varelse1 wrote:

    How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow?

    Give your wife a shovel!

    Surprised -- Oh, no, you dint!  Do you Know today is Mother's Day?!  Are you Trying to get in trouble with every woman chessplayer on this site?  Did you learn Nothing from Bill Philips' wonderful joke that made fun of Men?

    I'd demand an apology from you, to all wives everywhere, but it's probably too late.  I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed.  (.......Wink.....)

  • 8 days ago · Quote · #909

    kleelof

    One day BB King's wife decides to have his initials tatooed on her ass; 1 'B' on each cheek. That day when he comes home, she says "Look what I did dear", and pulls down her pants and bends over to show him. He looks at it and says "Who's Bob?"

  • 7 days ago · Quote · #910

    varelse1

    Myself, I got a W on each cheek. So I bend over, it spells "WOW"!

    (Then I roll over the other way, it spells "MOM"

  • 6 days ago · Quote · #911

    Mikado777


    Is the most important the letter "o" ?

  • 4 days ago · Quote · #912

    kleelof

    WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST ?

    The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?

    Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'

    'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'

    Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.

    'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.

    Little Johnny raised his hand and said 'Sister, I think it's your feet.

    The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. 'Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'

    Little Johnny said, 'Well, I came home from school the other day and heard mum yelling from the bedroom... when I rushed upstairs Mum had her legs straight up in the air and she was crying, 'Oh God, I'm coming I’m coming '.

    I gotta tell you, if our next door neighbour Mr Jones hadn't been on top of her and had her pinned down, we'd have lost her.'

  • 2 days ago · Quote · #913

    BillPhilip

    A naked & drunk woman boards a cab in America. Driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.

    Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before?

    Driver: Cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering do you have money to pay me?

    Moral: Assess the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure...


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