Laughter is the best medicine

Why go to church at all then? It is no more important than kneeling in church. One can pray from home.

Oh! I did worse than that. When I told them I played chess on Chess.com, my profile picture here was that of the moment of the impact of the second hijacked plane on 9/11 against the South Tower of the World Trade Centre. They became convinced I had been recruited by al-Qaeda.

Moreover, now, when I go to school, I wear a jacket with a hood, and a scarf over my neck, mouth, and nose (simply because it's cold), in such a way that—so they say—I look like a terrorist.

I also tell them maths jokes like: "What do you call a tea-pot with boiling water on top of Mount Everest?" — "A high-pot-in-use!"

I think they're convinced there's something wrong with me.

I think we can not understand. Do you understand the theory of relativity by Einstein? I have not. But someone understands

The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first at school?"

The daughter answers, "First day? Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow?"

I bought a defective mortar ......  it cost me an arm & a leg

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan .....  somebody is going to be wrong

Why does the winner of the Miss Universe contest always come from earth?

It is very funny in my house. Thank you.

Because there are never any Martians on the judging panel!  The whole thing is rigged by Earthmen.  So never trust a guy from Earth.  

Wait... Really? Every single time? Wow! I had no idea! Then I guess we should suggest to the jury that they should be more eclectic, don't you think?

Also, here's one for you: why is it that, whenever I hear that someone is "American", they are almost always from the United States? :)

A lawyer and a blonde are waiting at the airport next to each other. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game of Find the Answer. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

General or Special?

Come on, Special is entirely trivial.

Both. Two. In the Special theory I do not understand why the speed of light is the same for all.  In the General theory I do not understand time warp. I do not want to believe Einstein, but I want to understand his thought. But I do not understand. So his stories is a biblical tale. LOL

That's just an empirical fact which (together with some reasonable assumptions) forces the Special Relativity Theory by means of quite simple math.

Here is a paper written by Einstein in 1916 translated and perhaps can help in more lamen terms, not all explanations are easy to understand by the way but it is a window to help better understand Einstein's both theory.

https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/einstein/works/1910s/relative/relativity.pdf

For French speaking people I have a book called: "La relativité" de la collection "Que sais-je" par Paul Coudrec, publié par Les Presses Universitaires edition 1962. 130 pges de texte à la porté de tous avec explication avec des mots et non des équations.

Two atoms are walking down the street.

Suddenly, of them says: "Wait... I think I've just lost an electron." — "Are you sure?", asks the other one. — "Yes", the first replies. "I'm positive."

Okay okay, but my top in math are where the end integrals. I'm sorry. LOL By the way, I think that today found the speed faster than the speed of light (neutrino). Is it no? Where now are tales grandfather Einstein? LOL

PS

The second time I say that I mean. If we take for granted some fact or story, or calculation, then everything falls into a position of faith but not understanding. I do not believe to Einstein and i not believe to the author of the Bible. Understanding it is my own means to conduct the experiment and calculations myself.

I once had some siamese twins for friends.  They moved to England so the other one could drive.             Steven Wright

A neutron walks into a bar, and asks: "How much for a Gin and Tonic?  Bartender says "For you, no charge."

Ah! Nice to see how chess players like Physics too!

Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender replies: "Sorry; we don't serve noble gases." He doesn't react.