Hey guys lets post some chess jokes!!!

Here is one of my favorites:

Savielly Tartakover: It's always better to sacrifice your opponent's men.

Share yours!!

Allons-y!

My personal favourite is:

Interviewer: Do you prefer sex or chess?

Boris Spassky: It depends on the position.

A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."

A sacrifice is best refuted by accepting it

Can you buy a chess set in a pawn shop?

 Hahaha, good one

haha

Alekhine told this story - Bogoljubov played him two Championship matches, losing both, and was something of a rival in tournaments in the 1920s and early 1930s:

"I dreamed I had died, and found myself at the Pearly Gates.  St. Peter looked at me and said, 'Are you Alekhine, the World Chess Champion?' and of course I introduced myself.

"St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, 'I'm sorry, but we have a strict rule that no chessplayers are allowed into Heaven.'  I turned to walk away but just then, through the clouds, I spied my old friend Bogoljubov, and I rushed back to the gate.

"I cried to St. Peter, 'But there is Bogoljubov, he is a chessplayer!' but he only smiled at me and shook his head.  'Oh no,' advised St. Peter, 'Bogoljubov only thinks he is a chessplayer!'"

In 1972 a group of Soviet gulag prisoners listened to the first five games of the Fischer-Spassky world championship match on a smuggled radio.   At that point the match was tied at 2.5 points each, and just before game 6 the prison guards discovered the radio, confiscating it before the hapless prisoners could learn the outcome of the match.

Some two weeks later, a new prisoner arrived in the camp.  Eagerly crowding around the newcomer, the prisoners pressed him for the final results of the match, whereupon he sadly replied, “I lost.”

From: Kurtgodden's blogpost: Chess Jokes: Practical and otherwise

A group of prisoners in a gulag are trying to follow the Spassky-Fischer match. This is almost impossible because they have no access to TV or radio, so are relying on any soundbites they can pick up on.

One day, a new prisoner arrives at the camp, battered and bruised, but looking strangely familiar to everyone. Immediately they jump on him and ask "Quick, what was the score?"

He replies, "I lost."

EDIT: Haha whoops sorry, looks like we both posted that at the same time!

lol, how appropriate for such a thread.

A few I like...

Their parents are going to be pissed!  LOL

lol awesome stuff here

This shit is too funny..................

Especially the (He only thinks he's a chess-player) line...

& (You can buy a chess set at A PAWN shop)...

A repost from another article: Capablanca vs the Martian. I always thought that whoever comes up with this story is very creative.

http://blog.chess.com/ArielIgnacioDomingue/the-legend-of-capablanca-and-the-martian

I am "REPOSTING" this from another part of the forum... :) ...

I am renaming this "TOP 10 REASONS you're a bad CHESS player"