Chess History

I started thinking about how chess and history could be combined for humor.  And this is the best I could make...

Back in the stone ages, before any modern moves, the classical cavepawns, decided the one by "Alexander the King" had to move forward 1 (before pawns moved 2), and hense the queen was only allowed to move one diaganally, due to the fact that she wasn't trusted, the knight, steadfast, never changed in his moving because of his loyalty, and mistigue.  And then we invented, "analysis" which allowed the rolling (wheel), and lead to the advent of pawns moving forward 2...   Advance a few thousand years....  Female rulers our finally here, and they feel disgraced by the fact the queen could move only 1, and they felt that promotions of pawns, (to a queen), could give masculant peasants bad ideas, and maybe make them want to have 2 wives...  So the queen became powerful... And the rook (you used to have to say "check rook" when you attacked your opponents rook before this), got disdained to being developed almost last =(...

But now imagine...

If you could move your queen, and there'd be an opera note cause of her all powerfulness, or if a pawn moves, ocasionally it'll say "One small step for pawn, one large leap for (insert color)'s position!"...  Or a knight might say, I lead my horse to a fork, but that doesn't mean I will drink (take the rook)... Or the rook (castle), might ask how a queen  coould break a castle (and the queen would say she would RULE the castle, but the king, the dictator wouldn't like that idea!!)...  Then another pawn (in the ENDgame), would be like, it's hopeless, were down a pawn, no wonder its called the end game! Its our end! Without the opposition, we are simply drawing history!  Then came board war 2, and tactics were extremely important in short ambush/skirmishes..  So pawns were masacred with a bishop rook skewer, and the pawns on both teams were sent to "promotion camps" for the end game.  And the queen, went corrupt as she tryed to mate the opponent.  And then a bad bishop was like "give me liberty, or give me a sacrifice!". And so she sacrificed herself, and decoyed the opponent queen, (which lead to that corruption of the mating queen)...  Finally, a tripple battery, solved the energy crisis, and the use of an xray (nuke), allowed back rank mate testing in the north kings indian lines.

That would be my story. of chess history...

Robbie

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***(I know it was a major waste of time to read this, but I hope you got a smile!)

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