FUNNY updated 27JAN21 new stuff

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Updated: Feb 5, 2021, 8:08 AM | 0

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What is the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?

Those from Dubai don't do the Flintstones. Those from Abu Dhabi do.

Many Americans have not figured this out. Some people have the vocabulary to sum up things in a way that you can quickly understand them. This quote came from the Czech Republic. Someone over there has it figured out. It was translated into English from an article in a Prague newspaper. "The danger to America is not Joseph Biden, but a citizenry capable of entrusting a manlike him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of a Biden presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Biden, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Biden, who is, after all, merely a fool. It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools, such as those who made him their president."

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.""Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"

the coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph BULLS-EYE!" I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm! "So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his ," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl! "I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!""I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans. ""No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

This interesting prayer was given in Kansas, USA, at the opening session of their Senate. It

seems prayer still upsets some people.

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities,

but this is what they heard:

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says: "Woe to those who call evil good", but that is exactly what we have done.

* We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

* We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it Pluralism.

* We have worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism.

* We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.

* We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

* We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

* We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

* We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

* We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem.

* We have abused power and called it politics.

* We have embezzled public funds and called it essential expenses.

* We have institutionalised bribery and called it sweets of office.

* We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

*We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

* We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh GOD, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.

In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls

responding negatively.

The church is now receiving international requests for copies of

this prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

With the LORD'S help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and WHOLEHEARTEDLY become our desire so that we again can be

called "ONE NATION UNDER GOD."

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.He turned to look . . . and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.He ran as fast as he could along the path.

He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer ....
and then ..... He tripped and fell.
Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .....
reaching towards him with its left paw ...and raising the right paw to strike ...
At that instant, the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped ...The bear froze .....The forest was silent ....
A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky ...
"You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others I don't exist
and even credit creation to cosmic accidents ....
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light ....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...
but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
... a pause ..." very well," said the voice ...
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed ...
And the bear dropped his right arm ...brought both paws together ....
bowed his head & spoke ...
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive.

FUNNY updated 27JAN21 new stuff

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