When you are not playing chess, blog something, even if it consists of a few lines

When you are not playing chess, blog something, even if it consists of a few lines


I did not come up with these though..............


1.    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list


2.    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak 


3.    Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, a laxative and down a gallon of OJ on the same night 


4.    If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments


5.    I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian



6.    The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room


7.    God is watching us, so the least we can do is try to be entertaining



8.    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back


9.    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure



10.With sufficient thrust, pigs will fly



11.Nostalgia isn't what it used to be



12.Some mistakes are too much fun to only make them once


13.Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button



14.Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate


15.Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question



16.The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn



17.Without ME, it's just AWE SO


18.We the underpaid, do the unnecessary for ungrateful and the unfit



19.It's bad luck to be superstitious


20.Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's


21.I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert


22.I bet you I could stop gambling


23.A proverb is a short sentence based on a long experience



24.I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people


25.As I said before, I never repeat myself


26.A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer


27.Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with


28.I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize


29.A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually


30.The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work


31.I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to



32.Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new



33.The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy"



34.Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it


35.If you think education is expensive, try ignorance


36."Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot


37.For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it


38.I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability


39.If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before


40.Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words



41.The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it




42.When a parent reads a child a story its, "Once upon a time..." When a teenager shares a story with a fellow teen, "Y’all ain't gonna believe this shit..."



43.Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy


44.You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going



45.TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today


46.If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex


47.Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment


48.Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice


49.Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one


50.Nobody's a virgin...life screws us all