When you are not playing chess, blog something, even if it consists of a few lines

I did not come up with these though..............

1.    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list

2.    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak 

3.    Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, a laxative and down a gallon of OJ on the same night 

4.    If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments

5.    I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

6.    The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room

7.    God is watching us, so the least we can do is try to be entertaining

8.    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back

9.    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure

10.With sufficient thrust, pigs will fly

11.Nostalgia isn't what it used to be

12.Some mistakes are too much fun to only make them once

13.Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button

14.Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate

15.Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question

16.The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn

17.Without ME, it's just AWE SO

18.We the underpaid, do the unnecessary for ungrateful and the unfit

19.It's bad luck to be superstitious

20.Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's

21.I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert

22.I bet you I could stop gambling

23.A proverb is a short sentence based on a long experience

24.I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people

25.As I said before, I never repeat myself

26.A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer

27.Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with

28.I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

29.A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually

30.The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work

31.I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to

32.Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new

33.The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy"

34.Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it

35.If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

36."Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot

37.For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it

38.I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability

39.If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before

40.Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words

41.The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it

42.When a parent reads a child a story its, "Once upon a time..." When a teenager shares a story with a fellow teen, "Y’all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

43.Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy

44.You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going

45.TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today

46.If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex

47.Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment

48.Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice

49.Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one

50.Nobody's a virgin...life screws us all