When you are not playing chess, blog something, even if it consists of a few lines
I did not come up with these though..............
1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list
2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
3. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, a laxative and down a gallon of OJ on the same night
4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
6. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room
7. God is watching us, so the least we can do is try to be entertaining
8. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back
9. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure
10.With sufficient thrust, pigs will fly
11.Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
12.Some mistakes are too much fun to only make them once
13.Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button
14.Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate
15.Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question
16.The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn
17.Without ME, it's just AWE SO
18.We the underpaid, do the unnecessary for ungrateful and the unfit
19.It's bad luck to be superstitious
20.Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's
21.I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert
22.I bet you I could stop gambling
23.A proverb is a short sentence based on a long experience
24.I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people
25.As I said before, I never repeat myself
26.A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer
27.Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with
28.I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
29.A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually
30.The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work
31.I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to
32.Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new
33.The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy"
34.Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it
35.If you think education is expensive, try ignorance
36."Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot
37.For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it
38.I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability
39.If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before
40.Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words
41.The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it
42.When a parent reads a child a story its, "Once upon a time..." When a teenager shares a story with a fellow teen, "Y’all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
43.Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy
44.You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going
45.TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
46.If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex
47.Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment
48.Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice
49.Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one
50.Nobody's a virgin...life screws us all
