So... What's Been Up With Me?

So... I know it's been a while since I formally wrote to you. I started a series which many (including myself) were expecting good things from, and a second post has not come up. Where have I been? Why have I not been writing to you?

Before I begin, please note that this won't be exquisitely written... I simply want this to be a conversation to my viewers on a (somewhat) serious note.

My last blog was over a month ago... and the one before that was all the way back in February. This will only be my 4th post this year... quite embarrassing, and a little bit of a burden personally.  So... why?

Well, to be a consistent content creator (blogging, videoing, etc), you need a passion to do so. I know you hear this "p" word all of the time, and you probably don't need the dictionary definition. However, I shall give it to you. In this context, a "passion" is an intense desire or enthusiasm for something.

When I started this blog, I was more than fired up to put my (chess related) thoughts out there on the internet and within the realms of an awesome and caring Chess.com community. Ever since, really, I had this inner drive to keep posting material for everyone to enjoy. Right now, I don't have this drive to do so anymore. And what is the source of this lackluster burn to post? While I don't have a definite answer, I have a few theories.

As many of you know, it's been my dream to reach National Master (2200 USCF), and I'm realizing that I likely won't ever make it. I'm not going to completely dismiss that notion, as they say, "No one ever won a chess game by resigning", however, adjusting to that reality has been a challenge. My peak rating is 1828 USCF, and I've dropped roughly 100 points since. I'm deciding that I'm not really going to focus on ratings or titles very much in tournament play anymore... now true, it's always going to be nice to get a 2000 scalp in a tournament, though my main focus is going to be learning, taking it one game at a time, and enjoying myself. I'm not going to play in a tournament if I don't want to. There is no doubt that I still want to improve... I'm just going to be moving on from these "rating" goals.

Another theory probably goes without saying, is simply life. I just turned 18 years old, and for all of the kids out there, adulting is not easy, and I barely say this from experience. School and work is so time and energy demanding, as well as my ongoing project of chess coaching. That, I find a passion and drive for. 

Part of my motive for writing this is that I know I have readers and followers who care. Maybe if I hear from all of you, this passion will reignite. Maybe not. 

I know this post probably appeared to be slightly on the emotional and solemn side... that was not my intention. Chess is not why I live and am relevant in this world... it's just a little hobby of mine! 

I'll end this post on a positive note that I'm graduating here tonight!  High school has been a wild ride with some ups and downs, though I'm glad overall I had the experience. I'm going to college next year, looking forward to those ups and downs as well.

Well, do I promise that I will come back to blogging? Nah. Is it likely? I'd say so. Either way, I plan to read and reply to every single comment (not something I typically do). Otherwise, I'll see you around, whether it be my blog, the forums, or even Chess TV!

I also wanted to take this moment to say that I truly love and care for all of you... even the trolls!

Have a good day... gotta get ready to walk that stage!