Long time no see! (letter in a bottle)
Haven't been posting lately - I've been working my nuts off. When I come home I feel like a november rain and last night I thought I'd take a nap in the garden - woke up 02:30 in the morning - in shorts and soaking wet. Yes, it was raining - laying there on a blanket, cold and lost. Working 12 to 16 hours a day, seven days a week. Sometimes I wish there were more hours a day than just 24. So I'll just get up an hour earlier and I have 25. Right!?
I'm tucking in watching my favorite chess streams - man - I miss chess, I miss it so much that my eyes get wet - feeling abandoned. Frustrated. Angry and sad at the same time. You know what - even The Dark Side can't help me see the light. Is this the way life should be - not even death is free.
Mr. Gotham himself cheers me up though - Mr. Wouter (Bikfoot) too - Harlemknite (love you brother) and Myteachersam - but mostly - after a while sleep hits me like a knockout blow from Tyson. After four, five - maybe six hours it's time to rise - but I'm not smiling. Actually - I'm crying as I write this. Please don't feel compassion - I'm on a road I think only Harlemknite understands.
What's up with the King's Gambit - I miss those crazy lines. What's up at all? Can I scream? (rhetorical question). Yes I can and I do - sometimes I'll just go into the Viennese woods and just go berserk - like a viking on mushrooms. The only difference is - I'm on nothing. Still a viking though.
Last7samurai - a 'new' streamer - he's really good - I like him alot - alot! He's like my secret - oops - not any more. My daughter is in New York and I hate it - I miss her and she has just been gone for a few days. She's my whole life - she's my everything and I can't protect her if something should happen. God damn it! God bless!
Back to chess - back to the board but I'm seeing two of them - it's hard enough with one - strangely enough I play better than for one month ago - I don't play as much of course but ... when I do I feel creative and nuts and aggressive and and and - am I going insane? Or maybe I always was. I love chess. I miss my daughter but she's in this big town Sinatra sang about. It was always her dream to go there - just once and no problem my love - go. But daddy can't go there with you - not this year.
It's hard being a parent and not having a spouse to walk the path with. Life happens - sometimes it strikes you with Thors hammer but I'm used to that. I can cope with it. I cannot. I can. I cannot. Yes, I can. I have to, there is no options except for one and I think you all know what I'm referring to. Do you?
I played some amazing games with short time control - which I normally don't like that much - but something has happened. When time given i do study my endgames - I do my tactics - even though my eyes crossover - even though my brain is melted. And I read a lot - reading and trying to play the games in my head. It keeps everything in control - there is some balance.
I wish my daughter comes back today - I wish my daughter having the experience of a lifetime. She called and said - "it's hot - big and totally crazy". Her perspective and it's kind of funny because mine it's the opposite. I'm a wood and mountain man. I don't even like 97% of mankind. I dislike flying - actually afraid. Love sailing. I miss my daughter. I miss chess.
HELP!
Strangely I like playing black. Sneaky - surprising, pushing forward. "I've got this feeling inside my bones" ... yeah, I'm dancing when I'm playing. Trolls - can't touch me. Stupid people (from my point of view) - can't touch me. Remarks can't touch me. Some individuals seeing only their perspective - can't touch this. 'Outers' can't touch me.
I can touch myself - oops again - too much? (oh yes - it's rhetorical).
So I'll guess when you reading this - some of you may think - what is this guy talking about - no positions, no games to analyse - is this chess? GMCanthy says so - chess is life. There you have it. It is always friday - every day! Lately my fridays has been filled with rain - a sad rain but when I write - at least it's warm. The drops falling down my cheek. Warm. It feels like a wind from Sahara passing by.
I'm happy. Did I mention that I miss my daughter. I miss chess. I miss you guys/gals. Please come in. It's warm. You'll surely get a hug never to forget. I cook you a meal never to be eaten again. Wine? I don't drink myself but hell yeah - I have some Rioja. Chess - of course. I'll play black. Your move. Lets go. Lets dance! I love you all. This is a letter in a bottle - traveling the world. Read it, bottle it up and throw it back in the big wide ocean.
Yours "JackieTheSwede"
