The Openings Of All Time

Hello there, welcome to the Lightning Reports! Surprise, surprise, I’m posting a blog several weeks sooner than expected. I sincerely apologize for being early. Shame on me. I should do better next time. Anyway, today I’m going to show y’all the openings of all time. I’ll give you my top 5, starting from 5, and that will be that. This is something I’ve wanted to write about for a while, and the other day I randomly felt motivated to do this. So here I am, let's get to it, starting with #5!

#5. THE CRAB OPENING

The Crab Opening (technically, the Ware Opening, but that's way less cool) is an extremely underrated opening with an unexpected start. You start with 1. a4 and 2. h4, and from there, you wing it! This opening offers you helpful flexibility - you can start with 1. h4 and 2. a4 if you want! This opening is extremely effective as it gives your rooks more space to move out even though they actually will stay put. It also confuses your opponent, and we all know how great it is to win by confusing your opponent! Anyway, here is an example of how effective the Crab Opening is when used properly.

If not for the splendid flexibility and confusion of the Crab Opening, I may very well have failed to defeat that 1349-rated opponent of mine. I might lose that game if not for the Crab Opening. I wholeheartedly encourage you to try it out!

#4. THE CREEPY CRAWLY

This opening technically is called the Anderssen Opening, but that’s kinda meh, and the Creepy Crawly sounds cool. I know a good bit about this opening - my friend and I used to work on our own special variation for it before they no longer had time for me - and I can confirm it is legit. It starts with 1. h3 2. a3, and much like the crab opening, it offers you flexibility, as you can go 1. a3 2. h3 as well. It’s not as good as the line I created, though. I once lost to a 1400 in the main line… 

But, in the variation my friend and I created, it goes 1. a3 2. h3 3. a4 4. h4, and that has been extremely effective for me. I took down a 700 with it!  

This variation of the Creepy Crawly (we never got around to naming it) is basically unbeatable, and I encourage you to try it out! If you'd rather try the main line with just a3 and h3, that's also good, but the results tend to vary.

#3. FRIED FOX DEFENSE

When I searched up troll openings I mean great openings, this is one of the ones I found. I’m not quite as familiar with it, but I can already see that it is amazing after the first few moves. 1... f6 2... Kf7. Brilliant! Such king safety is incredible! And the sudden ability to move to e6 or g6 with your king? That’s the cherry on top. You’re two moves away from winning (in King of The Hill)!!

I’ve only played this opening once before, it seems, and I’m undefeated with it 😤

This is a very sneaky opening for you to try out. I, for one, certainly intend to use it more often. I think the king's flexibility in this opening is going to lead to a ton of victories. 

#2. THE BONGCLOUD

This is probably what you expected to be atop my list, but instead it’s a close second. The Bongcloud is almost literally unbeatable. Simply play 1. e4 and 2. Ke2 and your opponent should just resign. The loss is nearly inevitable. Black could try 1…e5 and 2… Ke7 to stand a fighting chance, but even then, white just plays 3. Ke3 and it’s probably over. Here’s one of my favorite wins using this nearly unbeatable opening! 

I can't really explain why The Bongcloud is so good. It just is, and you'd be silly not to play it. Trust me, it's legit. Also, if you're going to play this wondrous opening as black, I recommend 1... e6 and 2... Ke7.

#1. THE LONDON SYSTEM

Wait, what? The London System is the opening of all time? I know, I know, that’s controversial. But hear me out. I mean, we’re talking about an opening so dreadfully dull that it puts our opponents to sleep. An opening so boringly boring (cleverly clever wording, right?) that it makes our opponents resign. The London System is so perfectly putrid that it makes our opponents want to quit chess altogether! I actually earned my best (blitz) win on this site by playing the London System… 

Clearly, the lameness of the London System is quite unbeatable. How else could I have possibly defeated someone so good? The London works against everything. Heck, it even works against The Bongcloud! If not for the London System, The Bongcloud would be unbeatable. I know, the London System is, well, the London System. But it’s just so trash that it’s actually perfect. Weird, right? Give it a try, I’m sure you’ll lull your opponents into losing.

THE "GOOD JOB, YOU MADE IT TO THE END" PART OF THE BLOG

Good job, you made it to the end. Quick disclaimer here: I take no credit whatsoever for any losses you take while trying these openings. I do, however, take full credit for any wins and good draws you earn with these amazing openings and expect payment in return - I accept PayPal. 🙃

Also, keep in mind that this is just my opinion - you're welcome to believe The Bongcloud should be atop this list, or whatever. Believe what ya want. Yep, ok, thanks for reading! I truly hope that these openings of all time help you on your journey to chess improvement. Cya in the comments!