Questioning Non-Chess Players
Hello there, welcome to the Lightning Reports! At long last, I am reviving my Questioning Non-Chess Players About Chess series! I never expected this to do as well as it has. I posted the first blog (you’ll have to go through my blogs to find the others) cause I thought it was funny. My friend said something silly to me about chess one time and from there I created a whole new original blog series. But I wouldn’t have guessed that years later I’d be posting a 5th edition of this. Crazy stuff, man. Y’all seem to really enjoy hearing from non-chess players.
If you are new to this, I’ll explain what we’re doin here. I have interviewed (I sent a google form) three people who don’t really play chess… and asked them a bunch of chess questions. Generally, the replies offer us all a good laugh but also some insight as to how others view us and the world of chess. I will share the questions, answers, and my reaction to their answers, here in this blog. And for the first time since the original post of this series, I actually do know all of the people I interviewed. Go me, I know people now. Y’all should be proud. Anywho, please enjoy the 5th edition of… Questioning Non-Chess Players About Chess!
INTRODUCING THE NCPS
Me: If you want to remain anonymous, please say so below. Otherwise, enter a name, whether it be yours or not (most people use a nickname).
NCP 1: Jubilee
(Sounds happy. Jubilant, even.)
NCP 2: Noah Cossiboom
(Can confirm that is his real name. Cossiboom is epic. Some might say it’s an explosive name.)
NCP 3: The Guy who is dating your sister
(… wow, OK dude. I mean, he’s not wrong. This is indeed The Guy who is dating your I mean my sister. Fun fact, Cossiboom is dating my other sister. Yes, this is what I meant when I said I know people now.)
QUESTION ONE
Me: How did you first come to know the existence of chess?
Jubilee: When I was 6-7 my dad would also pull out a chess board and teach us
(Well that’s neat… but what the heck do ya mean by also, hmm?)
Noah Cossiboom: I saw people playing chess with real objects or animals that represented the characters.
(I’m sorry, what?)
The Guy who is dating your sister: When i saw people play on tv
(Well now I wanna know what he was watching, who was playing, and were they actually playing? Do any of y’all cringe when they show chess on tv and the board is setup wrong… lol)
QUESTION TWO
Me: Have you ever played chess before?
Jubilee: Yes, yes I have
(Can confirm. I made her play me a while ago.)
Noah Cossiboom: Once or twice
(Awesome, good for you)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Yes
(Dang, they’ve all played. Surely we’re gonna get some amazing answers here, right?)
QUESTION THREE
Me: Why don't you normally play chess?
Jubilee: ...well because it's boring and I'm bad at it XD
(… ok I can’t help with the boring part, if you found it boring that’s just unfortunate. But you’re not bad at it lol pretty sure you’re above average…)
Noah Cossiboom: Because of a traumatizing encounter I had with gorilla riding a turtle.
(Bro what)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Because i am to dumb to be good
(… my dude, I started playing when I was like 8 years old and quickly was beating the chess club coach, and I assure you I was NOT smart at 8 years old. Ask my sister. You can do it.)
QUESTION FOUR
Me: What do you think about chess in general?
Jubilee: Uhm I mean sure it's cool but like it's just kinda boring not very exciting to me
(So it’s cool… but kinda boring and not very exciting. I mean, fair. As someone who loves playing chess, I disagree. But I’m also someone who doesn’t enjoy watching chess games that I don’t care about, so I can see how some may find it boring. It’s not for everyone I reckon.)
Noah Cossiboom: It’s checkers for smart people.
(I disagree but ha let’s all laugh at checkers)
The Guy who is dating your sister: It is a great game need both quick thinking, but can’t be rushed, it is an amazing game
(… that was a little hard to read, but he says it’s an amazing game, so that’s good enough for me)
QUESTION FIVE
Me: Do you think chess is just some old game for nerds?
Jubilee: No I don't, I also don't understand how some people make chess their life XD like how do they do it
(Well I’m glad you don’t think it is. As for how some people make chess their life… I mean, usually if someone can successfully do that, they really really love chess. Everyone has something they love to do, so if they can make that their life I imagine they would.)
Noah Cossiboom: It’s not JUST a game for nerds it’s also for old people.
(So does that mean he thinks I am a nerd who is too young for this old person game?)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Not necessarily
(Alrighty then)
QUESTION SIX
Me: Do you think people who play chess have a higher IQ?
Jubilee: I did actually used to think that, now I just think they know how to strategize better not necessarily higher IQ
(She interacted with me and then realized people who play chess do NOT in fact have a higher IQ. Go me.)
Noah Cossiboom: What’s an IQ?
(You might wanna find out bud)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Yes
(I disagree but let’s not correct him… the guy who is dating my sister must think I’m a genius and I’m not gonna correct him yet haha)
QUESTION SEVEN
Me: What well-known chess players can you name?
Jubilee: Hikaru, Magnus Carlsen and Isaac Snow cause he's basically famous
(Naming two is impressive. Naming me… you know I’m not famous 😅)
Noah Cossiboom: Isaac Snow, Magnus Carlson, and I’m pretty sure Jack Black. Boom there’s five!
(Glad you know who Magnus is. Not sure about Jack Black… and no, I’m not famous.)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Probably you Isaac
(Why does everyone say me, my goodness lol I promise I’m not famous. There just happen to be some people who recognize me from my blogs. But I’m more of a “has-been” nowadays if anything. But alright, thanks I guess lol)
QUESTION EIGHT
Me: What would it take for you to learn how to properly play chess?
Jubilee: A GREAT deal of patience which I do NOT have and throw in unlimited coffee and animal crackers. Only then will I be able to last about 20 minutes.
(We both know if you get unlimited coffee alone you would last way more than 20 minutes. Gonna have to find out…)
Noah Cossiboom: Probably beating a gorilla riding a turtle in underwater chess.
(…yeah good luck with that)
The Guy who is dating your sister: I good teacher
(Ah, yes, everyone needs I good teacher)
QUESTION NINE
Me: What is your favorite chess piece and why?
Jubilee: Duh. The horse. Why? Couldn't tell you it's just a pretty dynamic piece and its a horse.
(I can feel half of you reading this cringing at the reply. There is no horse. It’s a knight. I don’t mind, call it a horse… pretty fair answer overall I reckon)
Noah Cossiboom: Probably the cow
(Somehow, Anna Cramling is gonna see this and find a way to use the cow piece in the cow opening)
The Guy who is dating your sister: The bishop, i feel like it can be a rather useful piece
(Alright fair enough, you’re not wrong. It is rather useful.)
QUESTION TEN
Me: The International Olympic Committee recognizes chess as a sport, as do more than 100 countries worldwide. What do you think about that?
Jubilee: Hmmmm....don't really have a solid opinion about this one....I don't know if I would call it a legit sport, but it's also not NOT a sport.
(Yeah no that seems fair to me)
Noah Cossiboom: Sports require athleticism, if you can be a professional at something without arms and legs it’s probably not a sport.
(You underestimate how much I need my legs for walking to the board and my arms for moving the pieces. I wouldn’t have gotten half as good as I have without my arms and legs. So. Ha.)
The Guy who is dating your sister: I’m still not an athlete :/
(Same, bro. Same. I know you definitely can’t tell by looking at me, but I too am not an athlete.)
QUESTION ELEVEN
Me: There is a chess variant called bughouse. What do you think that is?
Jubilee: Uhh isnt where like all the pieces around the king explode after a certain move or something like that? Honestly couldn't tell you.
(Haha, well I appreciate you taking a guess. You’re on the right track, just arrived at the wrong destination. You’re thinking of atomic chess, which is a horrible variant by the way.)
Noah Cossiboom: Probably where each chess piece is replaced with a bug
(Yes. That’s exactly what it is…. Nobody tell him.)
The Guy who is dating your sister: No clue
(Well. Fair enough.)
QUESTION TWELVE
Me: Have you heard of "en passant" before? What do you think it means?
Jubilee: OH YES I KNOW THAT ONE. YOU TAKE THE PAWN WITH MAGIC
(YES YOU DO TAKE THE PAWN WITH MAGIC)
Noah Cossiboom: A peasant is someone who is inferior but I don’t know what that has to do with chess.
(Well uh you may have the reading skills of an inferior peasant, cause I said passant, not peasant… nice try though)
The Guy who is dating your sister: I’m to stupid to know this
(Geez man not knowing what en passant is doesn’t mean you’re stupid… just means you’ve never had the delight of your opponent TAKING YOUR PAWN WITH MAGIC which many believe to be cheating. And then they get educated, we all laugh, and it’s not big deal.)
QUESTION THIRTEEN
Me: Viewer Question (@ricorat): How do you view people who play chess?
Jubilee: Well I probably would refer to them as slightly nerdy...and maybe also that they don't do much else physically active XD
(Some of us are slightly nerdy, some of us are ridiculous nerdy. Just depends. Everyone is nerdy in a way so she’s not wrong. Saying chess players don’t do much else physically active is probably not accurate… yall gonna have to back that up in the comments though lol)
Noah Cossiboom: It feels like they turn a causal game into a mental marathon.
(Nah man, it was always a mental marathon. It’s the casuals who turned it into a casual game. Totally.)
The Guy who is dating your sister: As people who are very intelligent and patient
(Nobody correct him. Let’s smile and nod and accept that we are all very intelligent and patient.)
QUESTION FOURTEEN
Me: Viewer Question (idk his current username): How do you view cheating in chess?
Jubilee: Well cheating is wrong, and bad...and I definitely don't condone it.
(Good answer)
Noah Cossiboom: Hey if you win you win.
(Nono, cheating bad, Noah Cossiboom, BAD)
The Guy who is dating your sister: I view it as cheating in anyway game, if you are so bad you need to cheat, then maybe you shouldn’t be playing
(Good answer)
QUESTION FIFTEEN
Me: Viewer Question (@Rodgy): If you had a lesson with the greatest chess player of all time, Magnus Carlsen, how much would you be willing to pay for a one hour session?
Jubilee: 20 bucks max. No more. 20 dollars is a lot of money.
(Dude. 20 bucks for a one hour session to learn chess from Magnus is such a steal. I wish…)
Noah Cossiboom: Maybe $20
(Another 20, geez)
The Guy who is dating your sister: 10$
(I think you mean $10… the $ goes at the front. Just for that you gotta pay way more than 10 for a lesson.)
QUESTION SIXTEEN
Me: Viewer Question (@lukegk): How much money do you think that somebody could make off chess?
Jubilee: Yearly maybe 12-15k a year.
(Fair enough)
Noah Cossiboom: Well professional basketball players make stupid amounts of money so if chess is a sport then I guess a lot.
(I like this answer actually. The pro chess players do make stupid amounts of money so he made a reasonable guess there. Not basketball money, but still.)
The Guy who is dating your sister: I don’t know, 20$
(…. Guys. Can we please get this blog to win blog of the month just so this blog alone makes more than “20$” lol that would be funny)
QUESTION SEVENTEEN
Me: Viewer Question (@colorfulcake): If you got to name a new chess opening you invented, what would it be called?
Jubilee: Ohhh this is a fun one, I'd name it Jacks Java and it would be the most spontaneous moves ever
(Sounds perfect for bullet)
Noah Cossiboom: Probably “how to lose” cause I’m not good at chess.
(Oh nice, I play that opening all the time)
The Guy who is dating your sister: The “man that was dumb” play
(This is also an opening I play all the time)
QUESTION EIGHTEEN
Me: Viewer Question (I don’t have his username either): If you were to start playing chess today, how long do you think it would take you to become a chess master?
Jubilee: ...never? Like I seriously don't have the patience to actually really learn chess
(Unironically one of the more reasonable answers we’ve seen to this question)
Noah Cossiboom: Years because of the Gorilla incident
(I’m not sure if I wanna know more or less about this alleged gorilla incident)
The Guy who is dating your sister: To become a master in any field would take years
(Very true)
QUESTION NINETEEN
Me: What's the best way to psych out your opponent before a chess game?
Jubilee: Reverse Psychology at its finest obviously
(That should work normally, but what if they use reverse psychology to counter your reverse psychology?)
Noah Cossiboom: By running in circles around them making elephant noises until they sit down to play.
(Honestly, if someone did this to me, I’d probably laugh, think they’re a lil crazy, and it wouldn’t affect my game. If anything, I might think they’re not taking it seriously and I’d feel more confident. And then I’d blunder into a los- ohhh I see. I see.)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Do something that would make them question everything that led them to this point
(Well… what would that something be? The closest I’ve gotten to feeling this was when I lost to a 9 year old last year, but that’s different…)
QUESTION TWENTY
Me: If you were playing a game of chess and were talking trash to your opponent, what would you say?
Jubilee: "Are you SURE you wanna go there? That's a pretty trash move" "OOO YOU LOST YOUR QUEEN THATS BRUUUTAL"
(I wanna play someone like this, I feel like that would be entertaining)
Noah Cossiboom: Congratulations, you’ve turned chess into an interactive disaster movie.
(But that sounds fun…)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Got your girl
(…what)
QUESTION TWENTY-ONE
Me: This final question is one of the most important ones. Answer wrong and you will offend many. Which is better... chess, or checkers?
Jubilee: *sigh* well I'd have to go with chess cause....if anything is more boring then ches it's checkers. Cause actually what's the point?
(Heck yeah, that’s a mostly great answer. Everyone laugh at checkers!)
Noah Cossiboom: For stupid people like me, definitely checkers
(Sigh)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Neither, Go fish is the best
(Wow OK. I thought Noah’s answer would be the worst but then The Guy who is dating your sister said THAT?! Geez, how insulting)
CONCLUSION
Me: Summarize your thoughts about chess in one last statement
Jubilee: It's a slightly fun pastime every few months for thirty minutes
(Alright, fair enough I suppose)
Noah Cossiboom: Chess was originally meant to be played blindfolded while juggling. All these rules people follow now are just unnecessary fluff.
(…no)
The Guy who is dating your sister: Chess is a game played by people with patience and innate tactical skill
(Seems legit)
THE “GOOD JOB, YOU MADE IT TO THE END” PART OF THE BLOG
Good job, you made it to the end. I’m proud of you, you actually did it. Or not. It’s not like I really know. But hey, if you’re reading this, good job. Thanks for reading, I do this for y’all’s entertainment so I do truly hope this was fun for y’all.
As for what’s next… guys, I got nothin. I’m actually about to be really inactive for a bit. Heck, I’m writing this on my phone in a hotel room 30 hours from home (greetings from Montana!). Summer plans woohoo. So the Journey To NM blogs will be on break for a while - it’s not like I’m getting to NM any time soon anyway, I just had two good opportunities and yet I ended up losing rating each time, so I’m 2121 now. Anywho, there will be no more blogs until perhaps the end of this year. I’m sorry, but I’ll be too busy to be writing this summer. I’ll be too busy for anything chess-related… but I’ll be back eventually 😅
Thanks again for reading. I truly do appreciate it and hope y’all had a good time here. Time for me to go inactive soon… I’ll see y’all around. Have a great summer 🙃
