Types of Chess Players (Part 1)

Hi all,

Today I'm going to talk about the types of chess players who are now legends in the community. Please note that this is completly for entertainment and please don't mind my jokes. I have included this because I thought there should be a healthy mix of information and entertainment. Let me know if you want more of these.

1) The One Scared of Blitz

“5 minutes? No way... that’s not even enough time to think!!”

These players refuse to touch blitz or bullet like it's radioactive.
Their comfort zone is generally 10|0 or longer, where they can stare at a position for a full minute to decide whether to push a pawn.
They'll say, "I play for understanding, not for speed," but deep down... they fear the panic, misclicks, or horror of the fast-paced formats. In simple words their mind get blitz glitched.
When forced into blitz, they play like they’re in slow motion, and their clock hits 0 with 12 pieces left undeveloped.

Pro Tip: Don’t challenge them to blitz — you’ll get a long lecture on why one shouldn't play blitz.

2) The One Who Abandon the Game as Soon as They See Your Elo

“Your rating’s too high, I'm outta here.”

These players are elo-snipers, only interested in playing players within a certain range — if they think you’re too good, they’ll bail faster than a pawn pushing for promotion.
As soon as they see your elo, it's a swift click of the “Abandon Game” button. They don’t even hesitate. They afterall are trying to be as economical as possible about their rating.

They’ll never admit it, but they’re scared of losing that precious elo! 

Pro Tip: Just ignore them, play another game.

3) The GM of Blunders

“I’m a grandmaster of making bad moves. Watch and learn if you wish.”

Every move is a blunder, yet somehow, they still manage to create chaos on the board. They generally both start and end the game with a blunder thunder.
A true connoisseur of mistakes, they’ve perfected the art of dropping queens, missing forks, and self-pinching pieces at the most inopportune times.
The title “Grandmaster” is more a tribute to their ability to make complex errors that leave even the chess engine scratching its head.
Pro Tip: Never underestimate them — their blunders sometimes trick their opponents into overthinking, resulting in a shocking turnaround (but, hey, don’t count on it).

4) The “It’s Just a Game, Bro” Player

“It’s just a game, dude, chill. No need to get upset.”

Loses a piece and proceeds to say, “I didn’t even care about that knight anyway.”
Starts every game with “Good luck, have fun!”
Resigns with a big smile, just happy to be part of the chess community.

Pro Tip: Chess is a fun game afterall, enjoy life and chess.

5) The “I’ve Read Every Chess Book” Philosopher

“I’m just testing theory right now, let me run this line.”

Has a PhD in chess books and loves to quote grandmasters mid-game.
Will drop 18 moves of theory from the opening and then completely forget the plan after that.
Never plays a game without bringing up the latest opening theory book they’re reading. They’re a walking chess library!

Pro Tip: Play unusual moves during opening, master the middlegame.

6) The Draw Expert

“Why win when you can get a draw? It’s an art form.”

Known for their ability to defend an absolutely lost position until their opponent runs out of time or patience.
A master at finding the 50-move draw or perpetual checks in any game, whether it’s necessary or not.
They will always aim for a repetition of moves — "why win when you can just drag things out?"

Pro Tip: If you are interested in drawing in a chess match, then also read my "How to Draw in Chess" past 1 and 2.

7) The Blogger (It's me guys)

“Hi all, today we going to talk about...”

Constantly thinks about what to write, asks suggestions from people. After every of his game thinks whether one can made anything educational from the game or not.

No matter how many views the blogs get it still feels very less.

Pro tip: A blogger should post a healthy mix of information and entertainment.

8) The Bongcloud Player

"Today I am going to play the most shocking opening ever... 2.Ke2!!!"

They either play chess just for the sake of playing or are extreamly overconfident of their skills or are thinking that they are playing King Of The Hill even if they arn't or they are trying to make a cool youtube video. They might look dumb, they can be secretly genius as well. 

When you play this opening, your rating is subjected to risk, so please proceed carefully. Do not try this opening at home.

Pro Tip: Don't use this opening as it is not rating-friendly unless and until you are playing KOTH (the only variant where bongcloud makes sense).

9) The Resigner

“I lost a pawn on move 7… and that’s where the game ended.”

Gives up immediately after a blunder.
Half their games are <20 moves.
Secretly dreams of being a GM but ragequits at 4:00 AM.

10) The Over-talkative One

“Did you see that movie last week? Wait, is it my move?  Btw, did you know that chess originated in India?”

They will talk non-stop during the game, and not necessarily about the game. They’ll tell you about their weekend plans, what they had for lunch, and all sorts of irrelevant stories.
You might be trying to focus on your position, but they’re already discussing their pets, the weather, and their favorite chess openings... whether you asked for it or not.
They’ll somehow manage to turn even a chess match into a casual conversation, which makes it tough to stay focused and not end up thinking more about what they said than about the game itself.
Pro Tip: If you’re playing them in a blitz or bullet game, it’s even worse — they’ll chat away while the clock runs down, leaving you wondering if they’re playing chess or just using you as an audience.

So, guys thats all for today. If you want me to write about anything specific, let me know.

Write in the comments what kind of player you are.

Part 2 link: https://www.chess.com/blog/Pradipta22/types-of-chess-players-part-2

Stay tuned for my next blog.