Types of Chess Players (Part 2)

Hi all,

This is the continuation of 'Types of Chess Players'. Chess.com filled with various kinds of players. Kindly note that these jokes are just for entertainment purpose and should not be taken seriously.

You can also check out its part 1 by clicking the following link: https://www.chess.com/blog/Pradipta22/types-of-chess-players

1) The Gambitter

“I sacrifice my queen. The position is worth it!”

The Gambitter thrives on chaos and sacrifices. They believe every game is a chance to throw the pieces at you, giving up pawns, knights, and even queens if it means creating complications.
They might open with something completely aggressive like the King’s Gambit or the Danish Gambit, throwing you into a frenzy of tactics.
Every time you take a piece, they’ll say something like, “That’s part of my plan. You’ll see in a few moves!”
They live for the complications and are always hoping you’ll fall for their traps. If you do, they’ll look like a genius. If not, they’ll shrug and go for another bold gambit in the next game.
Pro Tip: If you’re facing a Gambitter, don’t panic. Stick to the basics, and try to calmly take the material. They’ll often overestimate the chaos they can create.

2) The Revenge Takers

“You beat me once? Here we go again …and again …and again!”

These players are on a mission — and that mission is revenge.
They’ll challenge you repeatedly, especially after they lose a game, thinking that they’ll eventually outplay you.
They might even say things like, “That was a warm up. I’ve learned now. Prepare for my comeback!”
Pro Tip: If you keep accepting, be prepared to face their increasingly aggressive playstyle, because they’ll learn from their mistakes and keep coming for you.

3) The Only Casual Players

“Rating is life"

For these players, chess is a serious business. Every win, loss, or draw is just fuel for their rating obsession.
They’ll obsessively check their rating progress, get upset if they lose a single point, and celebrate every little increase.
Pro Tip: They’ll want to play again and again to climb the ladder. If you’re not careful, you might get caught up in their grind and find yourself sweating over rating too.

4) The Only Variant Players

“Who wants to play Bughouse, Chess960, or Three-Check? Let’s mix it up!”

These players are the connoisseurs of chess variants. Regular chess? Too mainstream.
They’ll constantly ask you to try out crazy formats, like Bughouse, Chess960, or Horde Chess, and it’s clear that their passion for variation often leads to infinite unexpected rules and games.
You might feel like you're playing a completely different game every time you join them — and they love it.
They usually don’t take losses too seriously because they’re just here for the experience. Plus, if you win against them in a variant, you can bet they’ll want a rematch in some bizarre, next-level format.

They are usually very friendly, and want to show you each and every possible variant.

Pro Tip: If you don’t know the strategies of a variant you can still playy for fun but winning will be hard. Each variant is unique and has unique strategies.

5) The Cheater 🚫

“What? No way, I didn’t use anything!”

These players will do whatever it takes to get ahead, whether it’s using engines, opening books, or any other sneaky way to get that win.
They’re always subtly dodging the question if they’re using external help, but somehow their moves seem a little too perfect, especially when they’re down to 5 seconds on the clock. They have no idea that they will eventually get caught.
When they will get caught, they’ll claim they were “just double-checking the moves in another tab” or “I’m just that good.”

When they get caught, they’ll either double down on the excuses or dramatically claim they’ll “retire from chess forever” or they're "too good to play chess." 

Before getting banned: "I am always too good."

After getting banned: "They don't understand my talent, they literally banned me."

Pro Tip: You’ll usually catch them by their strange playstyle or extreme consistency in correct moves that seem more like a machine than a human. You can report in that case.

6) The "I Never Lose — I Either Win or Learn (Resign)" Player

“Every game teaches me something... unless I resign out of pure frustration.”

This player lives by the wise-sounding motto: “I never lose, I either win or learn.” or “Experience is the best teacher.”
But deep down, there's a hidden truth — and it slips out in the form of a neatly braketed word: Resign.
They’ll quote inspirational chess quotes after every game, even the ones where they rage-quit on move 9.
The braket tells the real story though — sometimes, they’re not learning at all. They’re just noping out the moment things go south.

Pro Tip: Every game poses a different set of problems, different set of learnings, one should not resign out  of frustation.

7) The Daily Players

“I’ve been playing 10 games a day for the past year. This is my routine.”

These players play every single day, no matter what.
They just love the game and want to play constantly. Their skills improve little by little, and they’ve got a lot of experience.
You’ll see them in long sessions, consistently playing game after game — win or lose.
Pro Tip: If you’re facing them, they might have great stamina and be hard to defeat after hours of playing. Pace yourself!

8) The Premover

“I’m already five moves ahead, you just don’t know it yet!”

The Premover is always ready with their mouse, clicking away like they have hyper-speed mouse. They believe that they know exactly what you're going to do, and they're going to pre-move everything, whether it’s a good idea or not.
They click the move before you even make your move, leaving you wondering, “Did they just predict my move... or are they just being lucky?”
They’re the ones who pre-move every single time, and their entire strategy revolves around anticipating your next move, no matter how silly it looks.
Result? Sometimes they end up with a fantastic advantage, but other times, they blunder their entire position because they jumped the gun too soon.
If they’re lucky, it looks like they’re a chess wizard, but really, it’s just that their instinctive predictions for pre-moving often backfire spectacularly.
The best part: If they pre-move into a checkmate or a blunder, they just ignore it like it never happened and keep the pre-move mindset going. 

Pro Tip: If you want to get better into premoving, then also read my blog on "When and How to Premove in Chess"

9) The Puzzlers

“I have a 5,000 puzzle rating, but why I am unable to increase other ratings?”

These players dominate the puzzle section, knowing every tactic name in multiple languages.
But in real games? Suddenly the board looks way harder.
They know how to find mate-in-2 if you freeze the board and give them 10 minutes — but in a blitz game, they hang pieces like candy at Halloween.
“I'm sure that I saw this in a puzzle... it didn’t end like this though.”

Pro Tip: Tactics practise is indeed important, but you should try your best to implement them in actual games.

10) The Rare Ones

“GG, well played!”
These players are a rare type — graceful in defeat, humble in victory, and a joy to play.
No rage quits. No “my mouse slipped.” No abandoning midgame.
After losing? They type “GG” and actually mean it.
They understand that chess is about growth, not ego. Even if they’re frustrated, they’ll keep it respectful.
They’re the ones who make you feel like, “Yeah… this is what online chess should be.”

Pro Tip: If you meet a Rare One — rematch them, friend them, thank them. They’re a breath of fresh air in a world full of salty rage quits and silent vanishes.

Bonus: Sometimes they’ll say,
“That was fun. Want to play again?”
…And you’ll actually want to say "yes".

So guys, that's all for today.  Once again, these jokes are completly for entertainment purpose and please don't take them seriously. (Just treat it like a stand-up comedy)

Guys, part 3 is out: https://www.chess.com/blog/Pradipta22/types-of-chess-players-part-3

Which one are you, drop in the comments.

Did I miss any type of player you know? Let me know in the comments.

And till next time, stay tuned.