How I Lost to a Guy Who Literally Didn't Know Chess Moves
In chess, everybody can lose to everybody. Even the greatest masters have fallen victim. Defeat always hurt more or less, but to lose to someone who knows nothing about chess, to someone who literally doesn't know the moves can be devastating, it can truly unhinge you.
It happened to me.
* * *
I went to our Chess Club on that rainy evening eager to fight. Although the doorbell is rarely working and the non-titled folks were growing more and more insolent every day, our Club is a great place to meet chess friends. I entered and walked into the Club with dignity as it befits a titled player and my advanced age.
One thing I spotted right away was that the majority of non-titled folks were surrounding the table where John the pharmacist was sitting, playing and talking something. He was my enemy with an evil tongue. Everybody was laughing at something funny.
Unfortunately, there was no one to play with. Available for a game seemed only Peter, a Candidate Master, but he was too tough for me.
Oh, there was a young man in the far secluded corner. He looked friendly at first sight, as he wasn't laughing at John's jokes. He must have been the new club member, the Club secretary had told us about, who recently came from New York. I approached him quickly so as not to let Peter snatch him away. After the introductory formalities, I asked him for a game. But he behaved somewhat strangely and sort of quibbled saying that he didn't play chess. I knew this kind of person, gentle and humble but cunning at coming up with excuses in advance. But we absolutely must play, I told myself.
"There's nothing hard about it," I told him, mentioning the first piece of advice my uncle gave me when he started teaching me chess.
"I make a move, then you make a move, you should just watch out for a Royal fork!"
"Can I just do what you are going to do?" asked the young man.
"Yes, of course."
So we sat down and began playing. Here is our game.
Me vs NN
1.e4 e5 2.Nc3 Nc6 3.Nf3 Nf6 4.Bc4 Bc5 5.O-O
Up to this point everything went smoothly and my opponent didn't think much. He closely watched and repeated my moves. But now he got a little serious as if he didn't like my move.
I remembered that Peter, the CM, had told me something before about how early castle in Giuoco by White might have invited trouble.
"Maybe somewhat risky but still correct," I added with authority, and he slowly, rather reluctantly moved his King and Rook at the same time and switched their places in the back row.
5...O-O 6.d3 d6 7.Bg5 Bg4 8.Nd5 Nd4 9.Bxf6
I knew this symmetrical line but the symmetry would now come to an end and everything would eventually work to my slight advantage.
9...Bxf3
10.Bxd8
There's nothing else, I had to trade Queens.
[White is mistaken here. Winning was 10.Qd2 and then either 10...gxf6 11.Qh6, or 10...Qd7 11.Ne7+ Kh8 12.Bxg7+ followed by Qg5+ and Qf6 mate --Ed.]
10...Bxd1 11.Be7
I would still get something out of this, I thought.
11...Be2
When I took a closer look, I got convinced it was the best move in the position. Is this guy playing on symmetry out of ignorance, or just because he knows a lot so he can play cat and mouse with me?
12.Bxf8 Bxf1 13.Kxf1 Kxf8 14.Ne3
On 14.Nxc7 he could play ...Nxc2. No, I mustn't give the c-pawn as it will take all vitality out of my position.
14...Ne6 15.g3 g6 16.Kg2 Kg7 17.Re1
This way I was preparing Bxe6 and f4.
17...Re8 18.Re2
Only now I saw that 18.Bxe6 was pointless due to ...Bxe3. That's why I tried to get him into 18...Nd4 19.Rd2 with c3 and b4 to follow.
18...Re7 19.Nd5!
It's obvious now that on 19...Rd7 would go 20.b4 Bb6 21.f4 and my advantage is finally within my grasp; namely, on 21...Nd4 would follow 22.Rf2, and on 21...c6 22.Nxb6 and 23.Rf2. After all, I know a thing or two about positional play!
19...Nd4!
What's this?! A symmetrical move again, and the best one again! Could he be a player of a higher level?
20.Nxe7 Nxe2 21.Kf1 Kf8
And now you're caught up, my dear, came to me at first, 22.Nxg6, a check that finally breaks symmetry, and then, after 22...fxg6, 23.Ke2 with a pawn up. Yes, but a drawish opposite-color bishop ending would arise. No good, I have to maneuver with the Knight a little bit more!
22.Nd5 Nd4 23.c3 c6
Obviously, he's playing to reach the opposite-color bishops. If I take his knight, he will take mine, and the only thing I could do is to offer a draw. I have to trade bishops, not knights!
24.b4 b5
I felt how my opponent was getting more and more concentrated. He focused his attention on the pieces in the center as if calculating carefully everything before each move. No doubt, he's calculating the upcoming endgame. But there's no retreat now, I have to eliminate the opposite-color bishops without fear of an endgame with an extra tempo!
25.bxc4 bxc4 26.cxd4 cxd5
I've never seen this type of endgame before. Luckily, it looks straightforward enough, I simply play 27.c6 Ke7 28.dxc4 dxc4 29.d5 winning. But I wondered what my opponent was smiling at? Did he see something I didn't see?
Perhaps, instead of 28...dxc4 better was 28...dxe4! 29.d5 f5 and a win is then impossible. No, first I have to play 27.dxc4 and after 27...dxc4 28.d5 things should be okay.
27.dxc4 dxc5!
This guy sees everything, he is playing very casually, chuckling to himself, and looking somewhat bored. Isn't he a Master? If I play 28.dxc5, then 28...d4 will lead to an unenviable position.
28.exd5 exd4 29.f4 f5 30.Ke2 Ke7 31.Kd3 Kd6 32.h3 h6 33.g4!
Still seemed my extra tempo would be decisive. Do you see the trap I'm preparing for him? on 33...fxg4 34.hxg4 h5 and his passer is worthless as I play 35.f5 winning in any case.
33...g5!
Damn. He saw this too, playing the best, symmetrical move again. Now there's nothing out of 34.fxg5 hxg5 35.gxf5, because of 35...Ke5.
34.gxf5 gxf4 35.f6 f3 36.Kd2 Kd7 37.Ke1 Ke8 38.d6
I know this stuff! One more tempo and he is done. [Actually, this is where White has made the decisive mistake in a draw position --Ed.]
38...d3 39.a3
Just take it easy. Everything's in tempi!
39...a6 40.a4 a5 41.h4 h5
As I made my tempi, a whole bunch of club members gathered around the table. Dragged himself to the table also John the pharmacist after he had finished telling his usual jokes. Peter, the expert, asked who was on the move in the current position. When he learned it was me, he told me to resign. As I was staring at the board, I overheard the non-titled onlookers who seemed to began to understand the situation. They whispered something like I wasted my tempi. John grinned and whispered something about a curious zugzwang to Peter, the expert. Then I also realized for myself that I had no move to make and resigned. I stood up and praised the opponent's play and asked what his level was.
"Oh, I am a master level electrician," he replied a little confused. John and Peter said there existed no such rank in chess.
The riddle was solved by the Club secretary who just showed up saying it was the electrician who came to fix the door bell. The young man was encouraged and shook hands with the secretary. Then he turned to me as if asking for forgiveness.
"You know, I don't know how to play Mill. I told you that in the beginning, didn't I!
"What do you mean by Mill? This is a chess club!"
"I'm sorry I really have no idea what kind of game this is, I'm just an electrician. This gentleman, he made me play. He instructed me to make exactly the same moves mimicking what he did. I mean it generally went okay. It was only in the beginning that I had difficulty with those two men moving at the same time, and one jumps over the other at that."
A burst of laughter started by John the pharmacist, which then spread to others, interrupted the electrician. At that point it became clear to everyone that I lost to a guy who didn't even know what chess was, let alone the moves, or castling he was so impressed with.
The symmetry ruined me, I thought in desperation, while John the pharmacist hinted a huge disgrace for the Club and the secretary addressed the electrician sympathetically,
"And now let's have that doorbell fixed!"
This story is based on IM Vladimir Vukovic's (1898 - 1975) article in The Chess Messenger
