How to Improve at Chess -not!

Elephants dont forget..so I put a pic up cause I DO forget my chesslines at 58yrs.

A recent Chess Friend asked hoew to improve his game...I sent this (kidding) reply.

My Dear Friend Girusp, you said

"so pls guide me to how can i improve  also i am trying to improve my concentration thru rigorous yoga"

Firstly let me ask. Do yu do drugs?

If not , yu may be neglecting your creative juices....my drug dealer recommends opium for relaxing, a snort of cocaine to be alert for traps and some heroine... (to sell for a profit to get from tournament to tournament).

You mentioned Yoga...Yes this is good...my Psychoanalyst tells me I should do Ballet to keep fit and pick up good looking chicks and Karate so I can beat up on any boyfriends they might have so I have no unresolved tension before each Chess Match.

KUng Fu is also good but I gave up when I found I couldnt read my instruction book as it was in chinese.

I then bought a book for the pictures but that was another thing...The Playboy Bunny magazines just put me off my game.

Good Luck I hope I confused you as much as I did myself

FideMaster Curtis (John)