... 1 step forward, and 1235 steps back

So here i am thinking, hey! I'm playing OK, i mean I'm losing but I'm playing OK. You know what, let me go ahead and play a 15-10 on the cbase. Its been a while, and as far as i can remember i didn't do to bad last time... 3 games 3 brutal defeats. I was trying some new opening ideas. Bad idea? there where things i had no plan for...what happens if i go Queens pawn and this dude goes Scandinavian... i never really looked at that possibility... stupid of me. Or what happens if i go Sicilian an all of a sudden one of his pawns is creating chaos in my otherwise perfect opening set of ideas?  And these people are sort of violating some chess opening principles. I mean this dude destroyed my whole  center with 1 pawn (What i reffer to as the center is the pressure 2 pieces where maing on 1 square). One "well placed EVIL pawn" that just wouldn't go away. And then the pawn structures. Man they where more like a wall, a very long wall that slowly crept into my territory. I felt like the first time i played chess on the computer. Like an idiot. Out of sorts, no ideas and in a horrible HURRY....

Is the mail chess hurting my ON THE SPOT thinking? Should i also train on speed? OR natural wit? OR to be able to look at the board the same way that i do on mail chess, but just quicker? Am i damaged? I say no. I will add blitz 5 minute chess to my training. Mind you last time i played it here with a friend it was a stressing experience. But all the masters speed chess. I guess its a skill i have to reinforce.

I do love mail chess tho, i usually don't take too much to make a move, and i guess that's a bad thing... or maybe the real reason i lost is because i was playing variations that i had no backup for... dude probably figured... "hey MAA look at this dude laying a Sicilian on me... the nerve" Maybe i should have stayed with the classic old kings pawn opening... but where the hell is the growth in that... even the roman guy despite not recommending many of the openings  discusses at length and in depth, KNOWS THE VARIATIONS by heart... how? By playing them? or by memorizing them? I mean i cant think of how to begin to study chess memorization. Honestly. I will have to at one point, but like i told a guy, I'm still at the point of my training where i have to carry buckets of water up the steps for PAI MAI. Maybe not even there yet. The journey has proved to be spiritually gratifying and worth the effort. And im have not even started walking.

Ress Chules!