Hilarious Chess Clubs With Zero Members
Chess.com is a great place to be, for Playing, Lessons, Puzzles, Streamers, and more. But a very popular feature of the site is the Clubs feature. One chess club has nearly a hundred thousand members. But on the other hand, almost a hundred thousand clubs have only one member. (The latter is not a real statistic, it just sounded cool.)
Here are ten of the stupidest and saddest chess clubs with one or zero members. Note that the grammatical errors are not mine, I'm just reporting it as it is.
Club Description:
Hi we are a anime fan club 1.we chat,and we be nice.
2.DONT BE OFFENSIVE
3.NO NSFW
4.NO ABUSE
Or else
First we’re gonna tell you stop
Then you will get kicked from this club(if you do it again)
have a nice day
vivaan
My Reaction:
Tell me to stop? How horrible! I wouldn't want to get on Vivaan's bad side...
Club Description:
Hello !
Hello Indians ! This club is known as the Official Indian Chess Club where chess Enthusiasts from around India Play ,learn ,share and have fun in this club ! Remember You must be a Indian To join this club and have a true love for India and Chess . Here in this Club Indian chess enthuasims play chess , improve their chess and have fun . Features of our club are :
In play section we have -
Playing Team matches ( live and Correspondecnce ) 🌞
Playing Club matches and Club duels ⚔
Playing Leagues ( We play league yearly ) 🇮🇳
Playing Live tournaments everyday 🏆
Join events and Cash Prized events 🏅
Join our 💎 Monthly diamond membership events
In training Section we have -
Learn at the learning centre 🎓 of our club
Watch chess related videos 🎥
Discuss Chess tactics , strategy ideas at a Sepertare Forum of our club named ' learning forum ' 📓
Read ebooks ( a type of Chess training DVD Series ) 📚
Read educational Articles 📑
In Fun section we have -
Participate in our interractive Quizzes , opening clinics and workshops 📺
Joining and reading our forum and news 🗳
Chatting With your friends for 24hrs ! 😁
Solving our daily puzzle ♠️♥️♦️♣️
STRICT RULE OF INDIAN CHESS CLUB : NO SPAMMERS WILL BE TOLERATED ! SPAMMERS WILL BE REMOVED INSTANTLY AND WILL BE BAN FROM OUR CLUB . WE MAINTAIN YOUR 100% SECURITY AND MAINTAIN FAIR PLAY POLICY AND A NEAT , CLEAN AND SAFE CLUB . WE BELIVE IN KINDNESS ,THRUTHFULLNESS AND FUN SO NO TALKING ABOUT RELIGION, CASTE , GENDER , SEX , STATE , POLITICS AND SPAMMING IS STRICTLY BANNED 🚫 IN OUR CLUB !!!!!???!
My Reaction:
Putting aside all the grammatical errors, it is impressive that a club with one single member has daily and live club matches every day, cash prizes, chess books and articles, chess videos, opening clinics, workshops and a daily puzzle. I presume people didn't like the STRICT RULE OF INDIAN CHESS CLUB.
3 - Cenobite Curious
Club Description:
Why then was he so distressed to set eyes upon them? Was it the scars that covered every inch of their bodies, the flesh cosmetically punctured and sliced and infibulated, then dusted down with ash? ... No women, no sighs. Only these sexless things, with their corrugated flesh.This must be Hell on Earth.
My Reaction:
The club's location is 'Hell of Course'. I wonder why no one wanted to join...
4 - Mating in Public
Club Description:
Tattoo's, piercings, loud music, offensive language, nudity... these are a few of our favorite things... Sound like you? Click Join! Coming Soon!: Tournaments, trivia, contests and hopefully a VERY active forum!
My Reaction:
I wonder what the contests would be about. Who has the most piercings? Who can blare music the loudest? Who can swear the most?
5 - DEPRESSED CLUB
Club Description:
Join this club and become a Ninja.
This club is for those people who want help in fighting their life to make it fair. We provide fun activities here with awesome prizes!
By joining our club you will get a free admin!
But if u stay inactive, u would get demoted!
JOIN THIS CLUB OR ELSE I WILL DELETE YOUR MINECRAFT ACCOUNT!
My Reaction:
The technology these days is amazing, isn't it? You can click a button and be transformed into a ninja!
Club Description:
Hi chess guys . Welcome to chess.com FUN Club . In this official chess.com FUN Club we have fun 24 hours. Chess.com FUN Club is known one of the #1 best clubs on chess.com . Here we play online matches ( containing daily matches ) with live games , tournament broadcasts worldwide . We play here Vote chess and Solve google form chess worksheets every weekend . Everyday we post a daily puzzle . We want to keep our club safe , fan and educational . We post here daily videos study , with Interractive chess lessons we provide you . For fun , We have created Fun tournament sections. We have unlimited chess practice lessons ( can be a basic memeber) . We have package of puzzles with daily training library with fun games and courses . We will remind you for training everyday . So , what are you waiting for ? Join chess.com FUN club now and unlock all the secrets of chess . So ,you can get better and have more fun ! 😊😉😆😄😊😉😆😄😍😉😊😄😆😍🤩🤩😊😊😆😆😊😊
My Reaction:
Wow! This club looks like so much fun! It's so fun that they used so many fun emojis at the end, it adds to the fun! Google Forms worksheets? Interractive chess lessons? A daily training library,? This all sounds like so much fun! I can't wait to join and unlock the secrets of chess! It will be so much fun!
6 - Serious club
Club Description:
This is SERIOUS club for SERIOUS people. Join if you think you are serious enough.
This club will be an active club who plays vote chess and team matches but mostly has fun
My Reaction:
First of all, it's ironic that we have a DEPRESSED CLUB immediately followed by a Fun Club immediately followed by a Serious club. However, I have to question how SERIOUS this cub is because a SERIOUS person wouldn't mention that the SERIOUS people in the club mostly have fun. This is a SERIOUS mistake and I am SERIOUSLY turned off from joining.
7 - The Magnus Carlsen Chess Club
Club Description:
We like Magnus Carlson. We expect more than 500+ players.
My Reaction:
You like Magnus Carlsen? Well, not enough to spell his name correctly. You currently have zero members, and you are just five hundred members away from hitting your goal.
Club Description:
Welcome. This is Magnus Carlsen, (The world chess champion) and if you are a fan of him, join this club and message me. I will try to reach him and give him ur chess.com username. MAGNUS CARLSEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Reaction:
The real Magnus Carlsen? Wow, I should be honoured! And I like the enthusiastic MAGNUS CARLSEN cheer at the end, complete with twenty exclamation marks (yes, I counted)!
9 - Chess Noobs 101
Club Description:
Basically new chess players lol
My Reaction:
It's very surprising that TbagGhost9 is the only new chess player in history. We really need to start recruiting new chess players.
10 - GIFTS FOR EVERYONE
Club Description:
Hello Everyone
This team I have created to gift all those players who join my club. I will organize daily tournaments with high cash prizes. Anyone can join the club, no restrictions. Prizes will be transferred within 2-3 days. Both free and paid tournaments will be organized. Fees will be $1 for all tournaments. Prizes will be as follows :
1st- 100000$
2nd- 75000$
3rd-50000$
4th and 5th- 25000$
6th-12500$
7th,8th,9th and 10th-7000$
11th to 50th-3500$
50th to 100th- 1000$
100th to 200th-500$
NOTE:- Prizes may increase or decrease according to number of players.
My Reaction:
Well, the prices have definitely decreased according to the number of players. The club has a grand total of one member and winning first place is unlikely to recoup the tournament entry fee of $1.
Most likely this was a get-rich-quick scheme by some 11 year old who thinks he's a genius.
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Well, that's the end of it. These clubs are among the least popular of all the chess clubs on chess.com, and I hope it stays that way. Maybe I'll make a part two, since there are many more crappy clubs out there for me to milk and slander.