Best statistical Black Defenses against d4 and e4

Irrelevant! You need to play openings that you can understand that are sound.

Everyone thinks differently. There are 4 superior responses to 1.e4 over the other 16 legal moves. Those superior responses are 1...e5, 1...e6, 1...c5, and 1...c6. The rest of the moves are all inferior.

But to go around and say the Sicilian is better than the French or that the Caro-Kann is better than 1...e5 is complete hogwash. Even if the Sicilian scores a fraction of a percent better than the other three, what good does that do you if you don't truly UNDERSTAND (NOT memorize) the Sicilian?

I have spent the majority of my chess career answering 1.e4 with 1...e6 and 1...e5. Not because of any statistic. But because I understand those openings better than the Sicilian or Caro-Kann. It is what you know that matters, not some benign statistics.

I'd recommend the QGA, Slav, Tarrasch, or Benko. All are scoring well for black. 
QGA is very solid... Tarrasch is dynamic and attacking... Slav will often stake an early claim and then try to defend it. Benko is of course a gambit, but not too risky of one.

The way you come to "understand" an opening is by actually learning it and playing it, it's not very useful to harp on some intuitive understanding to someone who has never played the line.

i dont think any black defense scores as high as the english defense

Im doing this for the achievement

I usually include the English defense in that list, but I left it off because you need to play it very sharp to succeed, and I don't think he's to that point yet. It's also alot of theory since it cedes the center.

i woudnt call the english defense sharp, some lines can be, especially the gambit lines but a lot of the lines resemble the hypermodern asymmetrical pressure of a nimzo-indian , dutch or queen's indian. A lot of the advantages involve the damage to white's pawn structure and overextension.