How to annoy your opponents (without abusing)

1.Play exchange variation vs. French opening.

You have "French" players, who are prepared for many moves of strategic redeployment, who are prepared of neverending struggle to activate that white bishop and who have faith in strong e6-d5 pawn structure.

And than, you change all that in a blink of an eye with one simple move. 3.exd5. You can laugh in their face for spending months of studies learning what is better. Qb6 or Nc6. cxd4 or Bd7.

In a blink of an eye they have open game, without e pawns where short castling is dangerous. You bring them to the open when you can hunt them like little rabbits.

2. Play closed sicilian.

So we have "Sicilians", players who like this opening where any move you make is variation that has a name. You don't really have to know what you are playing. Someone did play it before. Opening that everyone wants to learn first. And than you play 2.Nc3! They can play standard moves, not paying attention on what you do, and hoping that you will finally act like normal person and play d4. And than you play d3! They have their sicilian setup, but the fear of unknown will slowly eat their hearts, and you can just hear the horror on the other side of the world when everything starts to fall apart.

3. Play Falkbeer counter gambit vs. King gambit players.

So you have poor King gambiters. Players who have seen every one of 46 variations that can come up after 2.exf4, but they are still unsure every time when they play 2.f4 that they will not mixup something and regret one more time for weakening their King when they could just play 1.d4. Until next game that is. After your first masterpiece, it is hard to resist temptation whe you see 1.e4 e5.

And than you countergambit them. You strike a knife in the heart of their already weak theoretical knowledge. You insult everything that is holy for them. They will think that you are pagans, neanderthals! They will curse the day they played you. And you, you can just sit back and enjoy the torment of your opponents who will look at that e4 black pawn (after 3.exd5 e4) same as a Vampire would look at a stake that is going right in their black heart.

I actually do play the Exchange French (not familiar with the other lines ) but in general, any of  the "less invested for study-type lines" by typical club players could be annoying as they would have to feel their way around like exploring a new neighborhood, often getting into fist-fights and trouble well before they expect it.

Likewise, I'm sure you'd be irked if somebody dropped a well-booked up  1.b4 monkey on you at a high-stakes OTB tournament round. 

Though it's all about the waters you regularly swim in.

 If your "chess = fun" equation requires only that you go to your local clubs and beat club players rated at the C/B/A levels,  this approach gets you there.

I used to play a ton of Gambits for the same reason => "C'mon and play real chess, stop hiding behind your oceans of theory, you coward!" would be my taunt over the board.

On the other hand, if one day, you get ambitious about getting stronger and  your "chess =  fun" equation NOW  includes scalping stronger players who are booked up enough to know openings (and chess in general) quite well,  wouldn't you expect them to be aware of the publicized deficiencies of the Exchange French (which at the higher levels is well known to be a tame attempt by White to put up a fight) ,

I don't see how you'd be effective, let alone annoying to them.  

Even with the Exchange French where I play  the c4 idea and playing as aggressively as I can with an IQP, I know that I'm limping into this opening against a really strong player.

This much depends on the opponent. Many players with black are happy with complete equality in the French exchange, and there are ways to mix it up. I would not worry about the closed Sicilian either. It's a bit slower but the positions turn quite sharp a few moves later as well. I think that usually it is somewhat annoying if people go straight for the draw in a regular game. I've seen it in the KID exchange as well. Keep in mind though, that strong players do it, and sometimes you can still lose or win the game. It is not that simple and usually the endgame is easier for the experienced player.

1. Tends to become rather drawish, lower rated players might like this.

2. Great. I also like  2.b3

3. This is indeed fun! If you can play a countergambit against a gambiteer go for it!

That's an interesting approach, but depends on the player's strength. French exchange variation is a boomerang in certain players hands. closed sicilian wont bother too much an experienced player, and falkbeer will be the kind of game an agressive player is looking for.

Of course, if this approach is used on a club level is greatly possible to annoy someone. :)

Don't take this parody too serious and start reflecting how would that work on GM games right away. I'm talking from my experience, my noob games and my 3.000 5 min live games that I have played.

@CharlyAZ

I'm sure you would have no objections to play any of this 3 openings vs. me.

What did I do? Everyone wrote its own opinion, but you took it on me.  And I wasnt thinking on GMs.

And about the objections, I preffer the black side. You see? I wasnt thinking in GMs. I dont like Falkbeer either side though.

Peace

the one i really get annoyed, as i find unpleasant is when white goes for a queen exchange variation in the KID

@CharlyAZ

Post #6 was not for you neither did I "took it on you". (don't worry, you would know that ). Some people (no one here did do that so far) have this bad habit of taking what ever you say and let it go through "GM filter". Don't play KG, GM's don't play it. Don't do this GM's don't do it. Don't play this line, no GM's are playing it today.

I'm talking about people like me, who have some chess knowledge, but never played Caro Kann, never played KID, never played Russian or Spanish game. And how frustrating is when I want to use my limited theoretical knowledge, and my opponent just does not want to cooperate.

And when I said you would have no objections, of course that no titled player would say Whaaaaa? if I played closed Sicilian vs. him. I'm sure some of them would even laugh at loud if I played 3.exd5 vs them.

By the way, streptomicin is not a drug? are you a doctor or something? because in this case, that would be a really nice opening surprise: a pill in the juice, and that's it.

In my humble opinion avoiding the open sicilian is the biggest favour you can do to your opponent. The open is very risky for B, W has tons of practical chances and he can choose setups where B conterplay takes some time to develop. In the sicilian it's BLACK who needs the theory to avoid an ealy defeat. By playing natural developing moves and 0-0 setups W is never worse than equal, while B is often forced to find the one and only accurate move order which avoids a dangerous sac. Not a problem for a GM but for an amateur?

In my view the sicilian would be a rather unpopular opening(too risky and demanding) at amateur level if not for the fact that W almost always chooses suboptimal setups, fearing B non-esisting deep opening preparation. With the open you can have great results while just playing aggressive chess.

+++ I've heard several titled players comment that much of the strength of the Sicilian as the class level is how far white will often go to avoid the main lines, which are generally quite strong for white.

I play the French most often as Black and have no problem with the exchange variation - I'm quite familiar with it since 4 out of 5 white OTB opponents play it (2 out of the 4 not playing 2. d4, but Nf3 or Nc3 and d4 one or two moves later which doesn't make any difference) - interesting because in online (live) chess I see the advance variation most often.

It's drawish, yes, however one of the lines I played even contains a nice fork trap for White (if he falls for it, what seems possible at the 1300 level :):

and I thought the scandinavian is annoying enough for white....thanks for the suggestion

Yes. Scandinavian. I forgot about that. I hate when I see 1.e4 d5. I just want to take that d pawn and hit someone with it. Pls, add more annoying openings.

Ah, the exchange French.

In the bat of an eye, white can take what would have been a long, strategic, cautious struggle for black, coupled with a free hand, easy play, attacking possibilities, and likely a game-long initiative for himself...and turn it into easy equality for his opponent.

Bold.  Very bold.

I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

It's not about what is better. It is about what you want to play. I don't play 1..e6 hoping for exchange and open game.

The closed is no doubt sound and GM approved. That is not my point. What i mean is that the open is everything a club player might desire: open game with piece play, W has the initiative while black organizes his position. A repertoire built around Bc4-0-0-f4 setups is rather easy to put togheter, sharper than many anti-sicilians setups, more ambitious and easy to slowly upgrade to more theoretical/ambitious lines.

I'm not so sure that the average sicilian player is much more booked on the open than on the anti-sicilians. Almost noone plays the open at amateur level, i doubt the closed is such a surprise weapon. In fact i played the russian and the alapin for a long time, and my opponents always seemed very well booked. By contrast i have scored some easy wins in the open thanks to incredible opening mistakes.

As a King's Gambit player, I have to admit this si true. I hate the Falk as white (as much as I love it with Black). Oh, and you could add a point 4:

4. Use the Albin Countergambit against the Queen's Gambit. It's like the french exchange case: "Get out of your closed positions and your theory! Come to fight me in the open!"