I hate playing black, how can I find an opening or defense that works for me?


That's the thing about playing black. You really should equalize before attacking, and that can take awhile. Didn't help much, did I?
Anyone else?
Mostly you can either castle quickly or play at the center, usually not both, unless white plays a flank opening. There are some lines of the Petrov that allow quick castling for black and create a fight at the center so you could try to have a look at that if it fits your style.

I know the feeling. I have always found e4 easy for me to defend (e5, nc6, and then cozio or two knights if they move the bishop, otherwise develop), but I tried a variety of counters to d4 before falling in love with nf6. Now, I play a modern style with Nf6, push e6, b6, and maybe d6, and then get my bishops on e7 and b7, and my queenside knight to d7 (allows my queen to move if pinned behind the knight without forcing me to take back gxf6) or c6 (fight for center). Of course, I. Change the moves based on what my opponent plays, but those are my general counters and strategy to d4, which gave me fits when it came to fighting for the center.
Solves everything might be strong words, but it simplifies what to do as black and makes it possible to master one opening. Rather than be a jack of all trades and master of none.

As a teenager I got a book of games organized by opening and played through them, and then asked myself which one excited me. Ended up with a weird opening repertoire, but it suits me pretty well.
If you don't like the obligation to equalize before initiating violence, you can look at things like the Dutch Defense, the King's Indian, and the Sicilian--of course there is risk in playing this way.
There is no way for black to guarantee what you're asking for. You can't command the center and develop quickly, and you can't even keep the center closed. The Reti Opening (which I play as white) proved as much, white can force an open center if he wants it.
I used to have the same problem as you, namely, I couldn't find something that worked universally, and I didn't like being slowly squeezed by players who try to lock down the middle with the big pawn center. What I've been doing lately against both 1. e4 and 1. d4 is to play 1. ..e6 followed by 2. ..b6, which transposes to the Owen Defense. It's sharp, but it get both black bishops mobile (which is difficult in other defenses), and forces a fight over the center immediately. The problem is that there is almost no book, and what book there is (namely Staunton's suggestion of an early c5) is wrong.
Every opening, and every defense has a object, and in the Owen that object is to fix and eventually destroy white's weakness at d4. Black develops to prepare for a pawn thrust at d5, but there are tactical and positional considerations at every stage.
Of course, that's my game, I don't shy away from sharp play, I don't mind positional tension, and I love tactics. It works for me, at least so far. I've had pretty decent results against A-rank players in club play, though I haven't thrown it against an Expert yet (at least, not since I gained a fundamental understanding of the opening).

The benefit of playing black is you often get to choose the path. Make sure you are playing the same initial moves and getting used to certain positions. Learn a good solid defense to 1.e4 and another that works against d4 nf3 C4 and positions.
If you want a recommendation for easy to learn try the Caro kann bf5 variation and a slav c6 D5 systemm. At your level you will not need to learn deep and will pick it up quickly.