I totally get that feeling with the Dutch! It can be tricky to get the setup just right, even if you know the general idea. The Caro-Kann is a solid choice though! I’ve had similar issues with the Dutch, but I’ve found that focusing more on the early pawn structure can help. Have you tried the Classical variation or the Leningrad setup in the Dutch?
is the dutch defense good and consistent? (rapid)
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for e4, got trustly caro kann but for d4 but im on the fence about, i seem to somehow screw up the dutch sometimes even with the general idea