Is the Monkey's Bum (And the Monkey's Bum Deferred) Decent?

I am very interested in the Monkey's Bum and the Monkey's Bum Deferred. Are they good enough to use? Which bum is better?

If you guys think I'm lying, take a look at the Monkey's Bum:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Defense,_Monkey's_Bum

White's score with it isn't quite inspiring (3 draws and seven losses out of ten games). Use at your own risk.

Why does no one try to play chess anymore? Why must there be some wierd looking opening to try always? Focus on chess sir.

WHY??

WHY THE NAME???

WHY???

you are an international master and you are judging by a sample size of 10 the merits of a particular opening.  you should already know that percentage wins are not very good indicators of how strong an opening is...and you are judging this opening based on 10 games 

... of which seven were lost. 

At first, the name might seem laughable, but there is a deep poetic meaning to it that is hard to grasp. Just look at the name closely and you may find the deep meaning hidden inside...

LOLNOWAI. It doesn't.

do you understand my post?  the sample size was 10.  7 losing games can easily be statistical variance

Of course I understand your post. Perhaps you don't realize just how damning losing 7 out of 10 (and drawing the other 3) is for White. I have a database with 45 games in this line. White scores 6 wins, 19 losses and 20 draws. Granted, they're not all grandmaster games, but they are all masters. In this case, it's not statistical variance.

nope, can still easily be variance.  using databases isn't real analysis, it is only meta-analysis.  There are so many variables that aren't controlled when you are using databases to evaluate openings.  Here is a counter-example to your point

 http://www.chessgames.com/perl/explorer?node=1397113&move=2&moves=e4.g5&nodes=21720.1397113

This shows the games where 1.e4 ...g5 was played.  This is a sample size of 68 (more than the 45 games in your example) and black wins or draws most of the time.  In fact it has the highest win percentage of any black move response to 1.e4 besides the games with a sample size of less than 5 (on the chessgames.com archive, at least).  

Any decent chess player would know that ...g5 is not the best response to 1.e4, but relying on databases may convince you otherwise.

So this monkeybutt is some kind of White gimmick where he hopes Black walks into a mate, then what?

It's in the Wikipedia article:

"When [IM Nigel Povah] showed the first few moves to Ken Coates, a friend at Leeds, Coates declared, "If that works then I'm a monkey's bum!" The name stuck.

The Monkey's Bum Deferred scores reasonably well and it was used by Polgar in a famous victory against Shirov. John Nunn has also played it a number of times.

One: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.
Two: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
One: That's a strange expression, Bruce.
Two: Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
One: She's a good Shiela, Bruce, and not at all stuck up.

As an IM, I can also 1. count the pawns, and 2. see the value of white's thin air attack.

True, statistics don't mean much, but one shoule expect white scoring at least once- not the case here. Here's a collection of titled player's games on the variation, which is, ummm, depressive at best:

I have not done any analysis, nor I intend to do so: this thing just cannot work.

In a match between 2129 player and 2511 player the opening doesn't really matter as long as that is normal. Black didn't win because of the opening, but because he is much stronger. So this game proves nothing.
But I think it isn't a good setup for white. 

So, is it at the GM's fault that only weak(er) players employ this? The strongest one is IM Bellon Lopez (later he became a GM) who managed to score one of the three aforementioned draws.

d4?What'd the point of giving up that pawn?Gaining a tempo by Ne2,lol.

you use an example of a player beating a player 400 points rated below him.  Thanks for proving my point about game databases.

you wrote a glib comment based on a 10 game database, just admit it lol