Why I quit chess a few weeks ago (but more detailed)

This is in chess openings as this is the topic where I am known.

As most of you know, I quit playing chess a few weeks ago. I made a post about it. But, looking back at it, the post was made more from my anger than me. I left something somewhat vague. What I couldn’t understand. I didn’t know what I didn’t understand then. Still, today, I can’t really find the exact answer, but now, I can elaborate on it a little more.

To recap, I started playing chess October of last year. I logged onto chess.com around January of this year. I started out strong, despite not knowing any proper openings aside from a basic rundown of the Vienna and the Caro-Kann, because I was a hardcore GothamChess fan. I went up to 985- I never went up to that rating again. I was 3 games away from 1000- my dream rating. I was basically hugging it. I would obviously make it. 4 digits was where I belonged. Then, in February, I got Covid. Despite being sick, I was confident I could get to 1000. I only had to win 3 games, after all. I lost one. I was still confident, it was only a minor setback. Then it happened again. And again. And again. I sunk back to 820 in a week. It left me devastated. It left me scared to play. I was winning 1 game every 10. Of course, I was sick. Once I recovered, I very slowly built myself back up to 870. Then, I played more. Around May and June, I got to 960. I was finally confident. Having changed my opening repertoire, having studied more tactics and endgames, I was confident I was better than my rating. I could get to 1000. I was an inch close. I was staring 1000 at the face. Then I got back to 950. I went through the same thought process as before. 950 was only a minor setback, right? I had improved so much from February until then, I was better than 985. I didn’t even know how to perform a proper tactical combination, then. Then, I went back to 940. I got less confident. Then, I lost to my 400-rated friend. I felt like an idiot, now 928. Then, I alternated between 905 and around 910. Then I decided to quit chess. I couldn’t win a game without losing 2. I wasn’t sick anymore, there was no excuse. I decided to play two more games just to close it off. I lost the first, and I got back to 898. I drew the second with 64% accuracy.

In my last post, I didn’t explain my frustration as well as I could have. I simply said I was stuck and I couldn’t get better. It’s much different than that.

It’s not just that I was stuck, but I was stuck in multiple areas- where I not only could not improve on, but where I KNEW how to improve, but I couldn’t apply it at all. I tried to follow every piece of advice I could hear- look for tactics and hanging pieces, take your time, and calculate well. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t convince my brain into properly find the correct move. My play then started to devolve, even worse than it was in January, and I had no idea why. My play was getting worse each time. My brain was not able to function as well as it had before. I wasn’t even in control of my play anymore. Quitting was the only option. I would’ve gone back to 700 if I hadn’t stopped.

I also realized that I’d been stuck the entire time I’d been playing on chess.com since October. Even learning new things, thinking I was getting better, I never actually was. My highest rating was achieved when I was playing openings wrong, when I played middlegames and endgames barely off of tactics and mostly off of complete raw brainpower, and when I was playing chess like a toddler. 8 months of chess, yet I never improved a single bit. I’ve heard of loads of people who learn chess, play for a month, log on to chess.com, and skyrocket to >1200 immediately. Yet, here I was, an absolute buffoon trying to get past a rating most of the chess community considers garbage for 8 months, yet never managing to do so.

I am completely unable to improve at chess. It’s infuriating. I’m a bad player, and I have so many mistakes to fix, but I can’t. Jeremy Silman once said that losing is an opportunity to learn, yet I used to lose 10 games every day and learned nothing from analyzing them. Why bother playing if it’s just gonna end in disappointment?

a few grammatical errors but you get the point

First things first, welcome to chess. I’ve been there before, and I know exactly how to solve your problem. Don’t quit, just keep playing chess. You haven’t even played 300 games yet. I can guarantee you that by the time you hit 1000 games, you’ll have hit 1000 ELO, and more likely 1100 or 1200. Just because your starting place is different than others doesn’t mean you can’t catch up. I mean, hell, I logged on October/November 2021 and started at 950-1050 ELO. I played 7000 games and here I am, almost DOUBLE that amount. I still have no clue what the word endgame even means, I’ve never analyzed a game in my life with more than a passing glance, my middlegames are trash, I suck at openings, but my specialty is that I play chess so often that my losses mean nothing because I can just play another hundred games in a week and level out again. Right now I’m 100 points below my peak from playing like crap the last four days, and I’m already crawling back to my peak. Just keep playing chess, trust me on this one.

i simply cant imagine playing "another hundred games in a week"

i dont even play ONE in most weeks, its a specialty that i am considering my SECOND this week now

idk lol, i just dont press the "play" button on the left lol

and yet i am halfway decent? maybe quarterway? depends on what "decent" means??

my problem is that i just make stupid mistakes when not focusing, cont find a winning plan sometimes but i have the ability to find good moves semi consistently

.

My opinion counts for little, but since you've decided to share your personal story, allow me to express it.

I think yours is an approach that can only generate eternal frustration. Always standing there counting the games won and those lost, the points won and those lost, like an accountant ( 943, 840, 996, 817, 3 games from 1000...). “My dream rating”… Forget the damn rating !... When you reach 1000 it will be the same story again, you will suffer because you cannot reach 1100, and when you reach 1100 you will suffer because you cannot reach 1200, and so on.

Chess is not a scoring game. Honestly, at our level having 800 or 1000 or 1200 or 1400 makes little difference, do we really want to delude ourselves that reaching 1100 or 1400 is who knows what sensational achievement ? Do we have an idea about the playing strength of a Master compared to an online-chesscom 1500 player ? And about that of a IM compared to a NM ?...

Players like us just should think about getting pleasure from playing ; then, if we win, wow !, if we lose, patience. What do we prove if we increment our rating ? It’s nice, but what does it prove ? Seriously, do you really think your ability / inability to improve at chess is a measure of your intelligence ?

Now that you are back, think about, and just enjoy the game. ( Maybe, if you play without this obsession you will improve... )

Experts can give you technical advice on how to work better to improve, but the first ( and best ) thing you can do, in my opinion, is change your approach.

@TheSampson

To put it simply: you are paying too much attention to the result. Pay more attention to the process.

Also, you seem to be stuck in a mindset that you have no "talent" for chess, therefore it's useless for you to continue. This is wrong. There is good evidence now that the whole idea of innate talent is mistaken. Skill in something is the result of other factors.

To understand this, I suggest the following reading list. It will change the way you think.

1. Peak by Anders Ericsson.

2. The Genius in All of Us by David Shenk

3. Mindset by Carol Dweck

3. Bounce by Matthew Syed

Best wishes.

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing @TheSampson A few points which I hope will help you - either in better results, or at least in consoling.

First, I just want to say that you being super close to your dream rating of 1000 and then crashing in rating is a lot more common than you think. It often seems that right when we get super close to a huge milestone, we drop a ton and then climb to recover it over a long period of time. It seems too cruel and torturous to be so close, but the good news is that when you do climb up eventually, you'll probably be more likely to finally cross this milestone. I remember when I was approaching a cool rating milestone myself. I really wanted it very badly and you know what happened? I dropped just like you: https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/dropped-more-chess-rating

It took me about a month to recover what I lost in a day or two, but eventually I was able to cross the invisible barrier: https://www.chess.com/blog/KeSetoKaiba/today-is-the-day-2000-rapid

The last thing is that I just now published a YouTube video which should help you not lose so much rating in the future! I really hope this helps you Perhaps your problem was trying "chess things" to save your rating when it was actually a non-chess principles (Stop-Loss System) which would have been able to help.

i dont think that was anywhere near a correct use of "vulnerable"

i think you meant venerable...

To be fair I’m playing 3|0 blitz on a phone. There’s no setup time involved, and it’s done so quickly that I could play three games while cooking and eating a pasta dish for lunch.

makes sense

i play 15|10 rapid on a computer

a game CAN take 40 minutes, but usually not

During my last tilt, I played a lot of unrated games. I had the same problem. I couldn’t win a game without losing 2. Rating was only one reason I quit.

to expand on my point, that means playing a game is risking spending 40 minutes on chess... there might be other things to do

its a 1% likelihood, but exists

also i just think "yeah lets play" do some stuff then "oh theres no time!"

The way I progress has almost always been like this

- Have a streak of wins

- Have a longer streak of losses

- Get back to where I was before, but lower

and repeat for about a month or two

then, suddenly

- jump 100 points out of nowhere

improvement in chess isn’t linear and people get stuck at different points, the most important thing at your level is to NEVER get scared of playing a game. If you’re 960, you’re strong as a 1000 most of the time! So consider yourself 1000. Don’t share it to others but think that in your heart of hearts.

that last 25 rating is harder than the 75 before it, so treat it as such

.

What can I say…

Nobody likes to lose, but as I said before, losing at chess doesn't question your intelligence or anything else : losing at chess just means losing at chess. For a professional, losing too much obviusly is a serious matter because he lives on chess ; but you are an amateur for now, so… enjoy your victories, and don't give importance to the defeats, except in the analysis. Each game is a story in itself, and even in those you lose, you have fun while they last: checkmate doesn’t cancel everything you've done before, with commitment and interest. Try to appreciate the experience and the time you spend while playing, not just the result.

They are giving you advice and encouragement. While waiting them to materialize, grasp what is interesting and fascinating about chess : the game and everything around it ( history, openings theory - you're passionate about it - , puzzles, human interactions with other players in a club if you can attend one…).

Repeated my unsolicited, non-technical advice once more, I too wish you to raise your level, soon and by a lot.

Good game.

you lose twice for every win?

k then keep doing that till you stop

you cant be losing twice for each win vs people of that much low level

then once you learn your true level, try to improve it

Ok.

actually that’s some pretty good advice, I’ll try it

fk it I’m going back to 500

didn’t you disappear for 2 weeks

indeed. I have often advocated the importance of learning Chess Openings, building your personal Chess Repertoire (as early as possible) and just playing(!) as a noobie or beginner, many many times on lots of forums here on this site-but in this case, during your current hiatus, I'd recommend focusing your time studying tactics, combinations & mating attacks every day. Every day. On some days (in addition) try to pick up some simple positional themes or strategies (ie dominating an open line: long diags, files, playing for a closed position or busting it open, Qside play vs Kside play, Centre play vs Wing etc etc). Then, twice a week get down n dirty and study some rudimentary endgame stuff. In other words, level up the other aspect of Your Game (skills). Best wishes.

Are you sure you don't simply have the usual blunderitis we all get sometimes?

It sounds like you utterly overdo it and tire yourself out.

A week ago I was in a rancid mood because I tilted all the way to 550 now I just broke the 700 barrier.