worst pun contest

I'll ignore the fact you wrote puny there and just say I deserve m that trophy, yes, thank you! 

I've never incouraged you.

CHECK this thread out!

I recommend never using airliners.  Last year, I went on one and spotted my mate Jack a few rows ahead.  Just to be friendly, I shouted out "Hi Jack", then people started to grab me, which wasn't very comfortable during the emergency landing...

Breaking news:

Two trucks were involved in an accident on I-70. One had a cargo of terrapins, the other had a cargo of tortoises. 

It was a turtle disaster.

What did the rear naked choke say to the carotid artery?

It's a pressure to meet you.

put a zookini by a cat-- it jumps and is afraid of it~!!!!

Once upon a time, way back when Timbuktu was just a big collection of grass huts, the King of Timbuktu commissioned a splendid throne, to be made of ivory, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with thousands of precious stones and cushioned in purple velvet. When the throne was completed it was the wonder of the age -- and unfortunately the poor king died of old age before it was finished.

Since the king's sole surviving son was only five years old, the council of elders drew lots to see who should serve as a regent until the son grew up. And the regent wisely ordered the throne to be put into storage, so that he should not think himself equal to the king, and he sat upon a wooden stool while the throne remained unseen in a disused house (a grass hut, obviously) under armed guard.

Years later when the son grew up, the regent gave orders for the throne to be fetched so that the new king could sit upon it when he was crowned. But when the bearers went into the house (grass hut) where it was stored, they found to their horror that the house was not proof against ants, termites, death-watch beetle, dry rot, wet rot and a host of other pests that had reduced the magnificent throne to a frail shell that collapsed into dust as soon as it was touched.

And the only moral that it is possible to draw from this tragic tale is: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

qwertyYUIopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

I totally didn't see the same joke years ago.

Well if you did, someone else had the same idea because I didn't copy it from anywhere

Yeah, sorry, a comedian known as Bob Monkhouse was using that one back in the 1970s.

He was notorious for stealing lame jokes from other comedians too. They called him "The Thief of Bad Gags". 

My uncle came on me once

Glad I got that off my chest

No, I mean I saw it from you like a half a year ago.

I saw a one-legged man hitch-hiking beside the highway.  So I slowed down my car, rolled down the window, and said to him, "Hey, buddy. Hop in!"

Sadness.

I thought I'd never find another who spells like RJC.

But communication is about conveying an idea - so it's all good.

I've got nothing against his leg. Unfortunately, neither does he.

Why did _______ ?

To get a leg up on the competition. 

*I'll update the setup for the punchline once I think of something funny.

Was your Asian wife with one shorter leg named "Irene"?