worst pun contest

A pun is just one type of really lame joke.

but not all lame jokes are puns. Our set theory approach moves along...

I cant belie its not butter.

your puns should be butter.

Sick burn

Can you put butter on a sick burn?

Did you hear the one about the paper? It's tearable.

I created a new chess opening. It goes 1. b4 e4 2. Nf3. I call it the pun opening because the pawn goes b4 the Knight. 

Speaking of Ireland...

I visited Ireland once, and wanted to send a postcard back home. So I went to the local shop, but couldn't find any writing paper. I asked the security guard, 

"Do you keep stationery?" 

He replied, 

"Faith, if I kept stationary, I'd lose me job!"

An Irish winner of the Tour De France went missing for 2 weeks. He was found doing a lap of honour.

Is this a contest to find the worst pun or is it the worst contest about puns?