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Hi all, I took a break from chess.com for a couple of days in order to recover some of my lost intelligence. I'm ready to give away trophies again, though!
Though this post was a little bit weird, I enjoyed it immensely and was laughing really hard, thanks for this post 
Jan 22, 2019
0
#25
1d41-0 wrote:
The following is for new members who may not yet be familiar with the mysterious ways and doings of chess.com. Older members may need a refresher as well.
When responding to a thread:
If the thread is interesting, thoughtful, asks something new, or in any other way resembles something intelligent, immediately do the following:
a) Direct your vilest insults at the original poster. Extra points for swear words.
b) Follow the three s's: Spam, Spam, and Spam.
c) Toilet humor works excellently, and most chess.com members are just about reaching the age when that is most appropriate.
d) Crude humor is always nice.
e) Post 123456789 19 times in a row.
f) Accuse the OP of cheating by posting his worst games as evidence.
If the thread follows the guidelines listed in the next section, AT ONCE make sure it gets as many comments from as you as possible, so that no one notices the interesting threads.
When starting a new thread:
First of all, while accusing someone of cheating may be fun for a while, these threads rarely run for more than 1 or 2 pages. A much better way of attracting attention to your thread is via flame war. Follow the guidelines above, especially part a.
Secondly, simple number games will be very attractive to the dumb members of chess.com, of which there are many. Plus, these threads are sure to get lots of comments. Adding trophies will add even more excitement.
Thirdly, create a new opening on the spot! This will draw all the strong chessplaying members -- and thus the least valuable ones -- into your thread, demolishing your opening within seconds. But that doesn't really matter; it just means that all the interesting threads will get even less attention.
Fourthly, post a topic that has been posted at least 1000 times already (be careful to count this accurately) and has been discussed ad infinidum. Examples include: Are men better than women at chess? What's better, knight or bishop? Is Magnus Fartsen better than bobby Fisher? (bonus points for misspellings).
Lastly, post something so completely unrelated to chess that Facebook considers buying chess.com at a very,very, veryhigh price.
Follow these and you will be well on your way to become one of the best members on chess.com!
My sincerest condolences to you.
I would have done this a little differently.
For example if a topic is very good you shouldn't insult the OP or spam it, you should just ignore it. The better the topic is, the more you should resist the urge to post in it.
But if there is a garbage topic, started by an obvious troll, then you should post in it immediately and repeatedly.
Bonus points if the troll wasn't even trying that hard, or has a 1 hour old account. You should give topics like that even more attention.
Act now, discounts ends soon!* Who will get post #40, the next post to receive a trophy???
*Coupons cannot be combined. Only for sale to <100 IQs.