are there patterns to my ineptitude?


3.Bc4 is already dubious... if the intention was to play the urusov gambit, as a 400 player who wants to learn and improve at chess, don't do it ever again...
if the intention was to play the italian like a setup, at any cost regardless what the opponent play... it's already a "bad pattern". you should try to understand how center works and play actively for it ( this is REALLY important and even at my level we lack on this aspect), and ultimately, try to make sense on the moves you're playing, every move should have a reason to exist.

I keep doing that because I can grab their rook more often than you'd think, but you saw what I did in that first game. That was bad even for me, but the fact remains I did it. So yeah, I guess I should stop messing around with that crap.

If you're intent on improving, you need to understand that many moves that work against low rated players will get punished by higher rated players. Focus more on making sound moves rather than unsound moves that require your opponent to make a mistake in order to pay off.

i wouldn't say that, one flaw i noticed in your game though is that you don't develop your pieces fast enough. Usually whoever develops faster, has more opportunities in the middle game. I recommend you learn an opening, just one, and learn it really well. The other thing is that you often lost pieces for no gain. You should always try to, get something out of losing a piece, albeit a better position, or more material.
That opening style won't take you to a 1000. You have some of the largest point inaccuracies I have seen because of double piece moving in the opening. Like that knight h5 move. The computer took away over a full point of advantage for doing that. And it wasn't like you missed the critical move. There was probably 4 normal development moves that would have been almost as good as the best move. Make the burden of proof be against double piece moves in the opening and you will be better. If there isn't any way the move can't be best then okay do it. Otherwise keep developing new pieces and laying pressure on weaknesses that are emerging.