Underperforming as a (relative) beginner- looking for help

Hello all!

Warning: long post incoming. But I would be truly grateful for some replies.

I've recently tried playing some online chess here for the first (real) time, and have been kind of shocked and disappointed with my own performance, to a point that's almost discouraging. I was wondering if anyone could offer some insight into, or advice on what I'm experiencing, because I would love to really enjoy chess and play the best that I can. Some background:

I'm a 15 year old noob who has played chess only very occasionally before, but recently I have kind of gotten into it. I've always been good at intellectual things like math (not so much social things, but oh well, you can't have everything), so I figured I'd give chess a serious try. A couple of years ago I was in a chess club 1x/week in school, and I could easily beat all of the kids there, and I would just barely loose to or draw with my teacher who was (from what I understand) a little over 1500 elo. He told me that this was impressive, and that I should pursue the game, but I haven't until now. I have also played my dad who can beat computer at about 1400-1500 and I beat him the majority of the time, pretty handidly.

When I play against the computer, I can usually win at 1500 and I win ~50% of the time at 1600, but I've noticed that the computer plays down to my level by making perfect moves and then occasionally blundering, which isn't awfully realistic. Basically, I just have to hold out until it blunders.

My most recent accomplishment is beating the 10 year old Beth Harmon computer, when I trapped her queen in less than 20 moves. I'm getting close to beating the 15 year old Harmon as white, and I drew against it once, and have blundered away completely winning (7+ points, according to analysis) positions a couple of times.

A while ago (a few months) I played a few games on chess.com and I did some puzzles and it went pretty horribly. My puzzle rating was in the toilet, and my rapid rating was 1200 something and my blitz was 1500 something (I only played a few games, though). But in the past few days since I have gotten into chess, I have played some more games and done some more puzzles. My puzzle score has gone up more than 300 to 1300 something and I think I can easily push that way further. As long as I spend a minute or two on each puzzle, they're easy for me at this level. However, my rapid rating has gone DOWN- into the 900's- which has really disappointed me- like, a lot. I just make so many more blunders against these people than I do when I play against my friend (who has also recently gotten into chess), my dad, or the computer. When I play the computer or my friend, my accuracy is usually in the high 70's to mid 90's. I'm playing games with accuracy under 50 when I go online. I go from 0 blunders (MAYBE 1) per game to 4 or 5. If I normally have 20/20 chess vision (I totally don't, but just an analogy to illustrate a point), when I step online I can only see what's 5 feet directly in front of my face. I feel like a totally different player, and it's disheartening.

I definitely feel nervous now when I go to play online, but it's sort of a chicken and egg problem. I think I'm nervous because I've been losing and expect to lose against players who I feel like I should be beating in under 30 moves easily.

Has anyone else experienced this? That is, doing well at chess over the board, against friends and computers, but loosing horribly online as a beginner? If so, is there something I can do to specifically prepare for online rapid and blitz games? Right now, it feels like the tactics, youtube videos, and offline practice I'm doing isn't transferring into online wins. Also, does anyone have advice as to the fastest and most effective way for someone like me to improve? From what I've read online and what I've been told, given SOME of my games and my offline play, I might have what it takes to become a more serious player, which would be awesome. 

In terms of the ways I lose, I frequently make careless mistakes or blunders that just come from me not seeing some sort of tactic. This often happens in the opening because I have basically no knowledge of book openings. When I win, I often do so by pushing aggressively with my pawns and restricting the movement of my opponent's pieces. If I can simplify down, I'm also really good at endgames. I'm pretty good at combinatorial thinking and stuff, so to me the endgame is like the rest of the game, just with fewer opportunities for a missed tactic or blunders. The weakest parts of my game are definitely openings and middlegame strategy, as when it's time to make a plan and attack a king I often either can't break through, or get tunnel vision on one plan of attack. Overall, I don't have much theoretical knowledge or positional play, I've just been trying to play using a combination of instinct and brute-force combination calculating.

I know that my question is kind of stupid (basically doing anything will lead to improvement at my level). I guess I just wanted to share what I was thinking about publicly because I have a tendency to obsess and worry about things like this (am I actually just a terrible player? Have I been wrong all of this time, and set my sights way too high?). It would be great just to hear what other people think about my experience and their interpretation of the events that have happened and what I should do about it.

Sorry for this ramble of a post, I truly appreciate anyone who replies. I enjoy chess and I feel like I might have a knack for it, and I would absolutely love to improve because I think I could be good at this chess thing if I had some guidance. There's a lot of bad personal stuff going on with me right now, so I would love to find something to obsess about and pour my heart into, but I feel kind of lost and disappointed given the event's I've outlined in this post.

Any and all replies are appreciated, thanks guys!

Reading through this cry for help I have one main take away... 

'As long as I spend a minute or two on each puzzle, they're easy for me at this level. However, my rapid rating has gone DOWN- into the 900's- which has really disappointed me- like, a lot. I just make so many more blunders against these people...'

You are playing too fast brother. You solve tactic problems when taking your time but miss things in games because you are playing fast time controls. I notice you played like 8 games one day, 6 games another...you will get so much more value out of playing 1 or 2 games of at least 30/0 and then analysing them carefully. I don't mean running them through stockfish and going 'oh I blundered 3 times', do it yourself first and try to understand what happened in the game. This takes patience, do you have it? Doing it this way will improve your game overall and ergo your rapid and blitz play as your understanding will be greater and you will see things quicker. It will take time however. You simply cannot hope to improve by playing only rapid and blitz. 

@VlonaldTrutin -

One thing stood out for me in your story.  Your fear of failure...

That is not uncommon, for those whose sense of self is wrapped up in an obsession.  For example, many felt that the real reason Bobby Fischer declined to defend his world championship against Anatoly Karpov in 1975 was due to a fear of losing.  That is, the possibility of not being able to live up to the lofty ideals that he had spent his life constructing for himself and ultimately the rest of chess world.  This because his sense of self worth was wholly wrapped up in one thing - chess.  Lacking success in chess, in particular as defined by his tenuous perch at the top of the world of chess, his own world would come crashing down.

I think if you can avoid attaching your sense of self to one thing, but instead learn to appreciate yourself for what kind of human being your are, you will feel more secure.

This is not to say that you should not try to do your best.  You should.  But if you don't always succeed understand that success and failure are integral parts of life and cannot be avoided.  If you learn to accept that fact you will be much happier in the long run.

From a personal perspective, with regard to chess or any other competition against other individuals, even though I want to be on the winning end of things, in the final analysis I judge myself against myself, not against others.  That is, my real competition is me, and whether I have performed the best that I am capable of.  That is the ultimate measure of success.  If I do not perform up to my expectations, then I try to determine how I might do better in the future, what is it about my knowledge or skills that is lacking and which I should focus on improving.  I don't beat myself up for my lack of success, I look to figure out what I can learn from the experience and seek to identify what I need to do to improve my chances for success going forward.

Beyond all that, for things that might help you with your chess, check out my blog.....you might discover something that is helpful, or of interest to you, in your quest to improve.  But try to keep it in perspective.  It is a game after all, and nothing more.   And consider that no one, not even Bobby Fischer, Garry Kasparov or Magnus Carlsen has ever won all of the games that they have played (assuming that they have played more than just a few)!

https://www.chess.com/blog/RussBell

Just wanted to reply to thank you all for your replies- I didn't expect to get this much! I'm very grateful for the advice. Periodically, reading through these responses, I would pause and stare and be like, "oh my god, he's right!" I'll definitely look over some of these tutorials, books, blog posts, etc., as well as study openings and play some games in longer time formats.

Note also that if you choose Daily chess time control, you can still move any time you like as long as it does not exceed the Daily limit.  Daily chess just sets a maximum amount of time (not a minimum) within which you must make your move.  I have played a few Daily games where I have completed the game within a few hours.  Using a Daily chess time control takes a lot of the pressure off and gives you time to think about what you are doing.  This is useful for those situations where you are playing the game primarily as a learning exercise.

I think something else that might help is when you play the friend who you talk about throughout, you should raise the stakes a bit. I see that you don't like to play him rated, which is understandable, but it is good practice for the real thing. Learning to make good moves while there is a chance of a (small) penalty, will help you get more accustomed to real games. So maybe you should try playing your friend rated more often. If you can find ways to be talking about the game it will help sharpen your skills as well. If you are playing with your dad, or your friend you can always talk about what the best move is and why. It might help you get more used to finding the best move for both sides. Finally, make sure to only play a few games at a time, if you get on a bad streak just stop, try again a different day and you won't find yourself blundering as often. Mistakes lead to more mistakes in my experience. Sometimes you just have a bad day. Great post and good luck! 

*too much