2. Your opening repertiore is based on recommendations from Dr Phil.
10,000 SIGNS YOU CAN'T COPE WITH CHESS
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3. you lose your queen for 3 pawns, and your logic is that that they will have less promoted queens than you!
5. you ask your opponent to tell you the right move
7. you take his queen, wait for him to resign.... and he mates you!
10 you are so bad that you demand your opponent to resign
11. You're constantly trying to swipe all the pieces off the board with your mouse
12. You start getting the shakes if your opponent goes on vacation
13. Whenever someone says "horse" you shout "IT'S CALLED A KNIGHT!!" - even if they were talking about a real horse.
14. Whenever someone says "castle" you shout... well, you get the idea.
15. You lose on time a move away from mate, and he only has a pawn left so YOU LOSE!!! 
16. You forget that you are playing hcess not draughts lol
18. You call Chess, a game where you win by your intellect and not your physique, "stupid".
it sounds crazy, but we can do it!
let's go
1 You break down into tears when you are losing