10000 things a very very very very very very very very very very very dumb chess player would do

the famous king sacrifice

They use the 'flip board' option in online games because they are in a losing position...

They resign in this position when they are playing white:

They think that capture is mandatory like in checkers

They report players for 'stalling' when bro literally just took 5 seconds to make a move in rapid chess.

They comment 'Ez' in every chess daily puzzles (even on Sunday ones) even if their puzzle rating is below 700.

In OTB games, they take the opponent's king and eat it.

Before even making the first move

Fork a rook and queen with a knight, but then instead of taking the rook, they move their knight horizontally and blunder the knight, and think they are winning because their opponent is confused about everything, and then sticks a skewer in their pawn that has already been captured

their first *attempted* move as white is rxe8#

They are banned for stalling because after some minutes of playing they fell asleep and left the computer on...

He would write his opening repertoire on his inside handpalm with a very very very very very very very very very very very tiny font-size - and then couldn't read it back.