3033. Flipping a coin to see if white or black moves first.
5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess
3034. Chess? Is that a new makeup brand? Ohhdarling. Does it go with my Jimmy Choos? And my doggie woggie? And my Luis Vitton handbag?
3042: You think that the chess clock is a launcher.
3043: You purposely lose on time so that you don't have to show how bad you are.
3044: You move your your pieces to I file when you're frustrated.
3045: You resign before you play your first move because you know need to go to the bathroom.
#3048 when you play a move that you think is good then your oppent belittles you with his responce.
That's happened to me at tournaments...
3049. To buy replacement chess pieces, you go to a pawn shop.
3050. You don't believe there are enough stupid things possible in chess to fill 5,000 posts.
3051. You play a whole game with a1 as a white square without even realizing it.
3052. You lost a game playing black with a smothered mate. Your king on h8, her knight on f7. You ask for a replay. You play white. She mates you the same way, now with your king on h1 and her knight at f2.
3053. First of all, stop cheating, your pawn can't capture like that. Second, just who do you think you're calling "an piss ant" here anyway? I tell you what. I'll claim win by disqualification and I suggest you learn how pawns move and learn what kind of an article goes before a word that begins with a consonant.
3032. You know how to move the pieces, and think that qualifies for knowing how to actually play chess.