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Haha found this one on a website a few weeks back
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him! "What's it like, where you are now," he asked. "What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news." "Tell me the good news first." "Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them." "Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?" "You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
"Then on Saturday he played Capablanca and beat him, as Capa blundered baddly and got mated in 15 moves."
Two friends are talking and one says to the other, 'My wife said that if I go to this chess tournament tomorrow she is going to leave me and take this kids with her.'.
'That's terrible', replied the friend, 'What are you going to do?'
This my friend, is gold.
They may be gold, but unfortunately, every joke on here is also old.
Doesn't make them any less hilarious...
Well, actually yeah, it does.
It does, cause I'm sick of hearing the same ones over, and over, and OVER again!
On the other hand, mining the chess vein of humor isn't exactly like striking the mother lode of comedy.
So Fischer walked into a synagogue...
Okay, these two chess players walk into a bar...and one says he doesn't drink because he likes to be in control at all times, and the other says he doesn't drink because it interferes with his ability to solve quadratic equations in his head. And anyway, there might be women in there, and then what?
So they leave. And head over to the library.
A joke would be if a guy that just won a Checkers Championship challenge you to Checkers game and you beat him and you play a Chess game and he beats you worse than you beat him in Checkers.
Lol reminds of one time I went into a chess club, and saw an elderly guy sitting at a checkers board. On a whim, I offered to play him. Turned out he was happened to be reigning state Checkers champion.
I did not fare well.
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say: "What a Smart dog!" But the man protests: "No, no, he isn't that Smart. I'm leading by three games to Two!"
The cat, however, was better at endgames.
There were once two chess players, now look how many there are.
Yay worse joke ever!
Boy, is that "smart dog" joke an ancient artifact.
One to many.
[JOKE DELETED BY MOD - JUST AWFUL -...]
Wow, it must've been really bad.
5/30/2016 - Tarjan - Karpov, 1976
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