All pawns are just a roommates on the cells...
The promotions change their relationships, cardinally!
chess jokes here
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Alekhine
Alekhine who?
Alekhine's of people have been making really bad chess jokes.
2 pawns walk into a bar,
one pawn says to the other....
"if I drink another beer, I'm going to em'passe out"
Jun 25, 2008
0
#25
Q:Why should you never buy a house from a chess player?
A:Because they take ages to move.
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"I've created a chess program that mimics human play" said the computer programmer. "So it plays at GM level then?" asks the advising professor.
"No, but it does blame its loss on outside conditions!"
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A Russian friend of mine had been a prisoner in a Russian gulag back in 1972. He said all the prisoners were listening to the world championship match every day over a radio. One day when the match was all tied up the guards discovered the radio and took it from the prisoners so they could listen.
After about 2 weeks of not knowing what had happened in the Fischer Spassky match, a new prisoner arrived. Everyone immediately asked him what happened in the World Chess Championship Match and he said. " I lost."
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Q. What is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a chess Grandmaster?
A. A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.
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Two chess players are playing a correspondence game. White lives at the South Pole, and Black lives at the North Pole. The postal service is rather slow and play proceeds at the rate of one move per year. After 22 years of play, white makes a daring queen sacrifice, the consequences of which are by no means clear. A year later, as he sees the postman returning, he is very excited. He thinks "Will black take my queen ?", "Is the sacrifice sound ?".
He tears open the reply and sees "Adjust".
EngWannabe wrote:
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Q. What is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a chess Grandmaster?
A. A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.
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my favorite so far
i once won a game against gary kasparov!!!
it was computer pinball...
1.e4 e5
2. Ke2!
Jun 25, 2008
0
#29
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
hondoham wrote:
1.e4 e5
2. Ke2!
good one *g*
1. f3 e5
2. g4 Qh4!
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Q. Which chess piece is the most powerful?
A. The Knight, It goes over the top.
Hope you enjoyed
futuregm23 wrote:
1. f3 e5
2. g4 Qh4!
not funny, it should be
1. f3 e5
2. g4!
zanmi wrote: A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
This is a good one. Humorous too. Thanks for posting
dwaxe wrote:
How many Chess Players does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to buy it
5 to criticize the quality of the light bulb bought.
1 to change the light bulb
34 to say that there are more efficient ways to change light bulbs that don't involve losing so many skin cells
15 to remind the changer to write down the moves he used to change the light bulb.
104 to watch every single slow move the chess player makes in changing the light bulb.
63 to say; "OMFG! He missed a sequence that would have checkmated the light bulb!"
235 to turn on the 63 saying; "The light bulb would have avoided it."
Good one!
What did the White Queen say to her King? "Stand aside and watch me mate your enemy!" Chuckles!
PCFlyer wrote:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
LMAO. Good one!
Q: How many squares are there on a chess board?
A: Two plus the spectators.
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Q: How is the English opening for white and the Sicilian opening for black similar?
A: Both players are Virgins.
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i keed, i keed...
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Bu.
Bu who?
Hey, don't cry. It's a bad Grandmaster Bu joke.