you know you play too much chess jokes

u all will be scary :

1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.Nc3 Nf6 4.Nxe5!

You know you play too much chess when Chucky is now a prominent, yet slightly eccentric, super grandmaster named Vassily, rather than a smelly man in a funny mouse costume who sells pizza to kids and is named Cheese.

You know you play too much chess when upon being offered a promotion at work you indignantly exclaim that you are not a pawn.

You know you play too much chess when it takes you an hour to pass the salt at a restaurant with a checkered tablecloth. (This one is not my own work)

You know you play too much chess when your ears perk up whenever anybody says anything chess related. (This actually happens to me :|)

You know you play too much chess when you are watching American football and there's a man open for a pass you think to yourself "that's a passed pawn!" (this happens to me too...)

I remember going to a birthday party when i was 6 to Chuckie Cheeses and a man dressed up in that costume was walking around and his costume head fell off.  Seeing the guy running after the head in his costume was hilarious.

 LOL! I can imagine!

You know you play too much chess when you go to a tattoo shop and ask for a knight tattoo.

... you dream about inventing a new variation. When you wake up, you immediately run to your computer to look for it in the databases only to realize it's completely unplayable.

 This happens to you too?! I would always come up with opening novelties in my sleep and calculate them like 20 moves ahead. They always ended up being refutable. This kept on happening to me, and eventualy I decided to quit playing or even checking the variations I invent with databases. Then one day I saw one of my opponents play one of the variations I saw in my sleep! I thought that he must be almost as stupid as me and that I had good chances, but I checked the database and it turned out it was OK. I think it was called the Najdorf or something...

On a related note, you know you've played too much chess if your parents complain about your grades and you say that you've been Ivanchuking the classes.

You know you play too much chess when every time you see a chess set on tv or in a movie you blurt out "chess board!"

When every tiled floor compels you to walk on it in knight moves. (I do this all the time.)

You know you play too much chess when you put a football position into Fritz. (I just did that. It says the position is -5.06.)

...when you're king of the chess pile until you topalov

You know you play too much chess when you are willing to trade wives for positional or material advantage.

Final score 0-1 (black wins by a rouge)

Reminds me of the joke about the guy heading home with flowers for his wife who picks up a hitch-hiker.  The hitch-hiker asks "What's with the flowers" and the guys says, "Oh, those?  I got them for my wife".

The hitch-hiker thinks for a moment, and says "Hmmm.  Good trade".

 Hilarious!!

Er, I meant to quote this post there -- not sure what happened.

A chess player is hired for clerical duties at a bank. The bank keeps a paper record of its clients and their transactions, the organization and maintenance of which falls under the jurisdiction of said chess player.

One day Mr. Howell, the bank's best client, comes in to the banker's office and requests a copy of a document. The banker personally goes to retrieve Mr. Howell's papers, thumbing through the folders. To his shock and dismay, he finds Mr. Howell's and indeed every other record under H missing. Within a few seconds he is seething over the chess player's desk.

The chess-player responds to the banker's inquisitions: "I wanted to promote quickly so the first thing I did was clear the h-file."

touch move rule