Your funniest lie :)

I kant reed butt I kan speel

I am smart.

I once told a drunk guy that if he were to lie across the train tracks the oncoming train would pass over without doing him any harm... and he totally did it!

Certainly someone must have a flogger in their hand and a devious grin while making these comments.

It's best to pee into the wind.

Yeah, what a lousy way to lose a bet.  I thought for sure I'd not only win the bet, but was also going to get to pick through his pockets.

Lady GaGa is a great role model.

 Lol I meant Madonna (the singer).

 Shoot how about Cher?

#1 lie: I love chess

#2 lie: I hate chess

Maybe Cher's daughter or son is the best role model then?

I am president and founder of Mensa.

here's a lie:

blitz chess between chess enthusiasts has immense significance in terms of intelligence and isn't just a fun video game.

(in reality blitz chess between chess enthusiasts (ie non-professionals) is nothing more than a video game and doesn't have much of any significance, but it sure is fun and addictive)

 I have never lied about anything of significance, only white lies in certain social contexts.

I am really French and I wear deodorant.

blitz chess between chess enthusiasts is equivalent to the s.a.t. or a real iq test, and means ten times more than either of those things (again, reality, blitz chess is a video game if it's being played by chess enthusiasts, only very strong professionals can play something that comes near to real actual chess in such short time controls, don't kid yourselves.)

(During a chess game) "A dog ate your queen when you were not looking, and it ran that way."