"Let me tell you a story. When I was a young man about to go out into the world, my father says to me a very valuable thing. 'Son,' the old guy says, 'I'm sorry that I am not able to bankroll you a very large start. But not having any potatoes to give you, I am going to give you some very valuable advice. One of these days in your travels, you are going to come across a guy who is down to you a Queen, Rook and three pawns, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can not only mate you but make the Knight jump off of the board and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not take this bet, for if you do, as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an ear full of cider.' "
Beginners' Rules
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PrawnEatsPrawn wrote:
The real Rule #1:
Until you can beat me, you are pondlife.
Why, I oughtta bust your...
*checks Prawn's rating*
<ribbit, ribbit>
Oct 31, 2011
0
#24
I think for an 8 year old, rule #6 is a good one. Along similar lines: don't advance your f pawn until after you castle.
rooperi wrote:
Rule #42
If a guy named Doc wants to play you for money, DON"T DO IT!
What if Doc's friend, a nice fella called "The Professor," begs Doc not to play saying, "but Doc you've only just learned the rules, you don't stand a chance" is it ok to play then?
(P.S. Please answer soon this Doc guys says 'heck, it's only money' and really wants to play -- I think I could make some easy moneyhere!)
Oct 31, 2011
0
#26
DENVERHIGH wrote:
charlie_gibbons0606 wrote:
These "rules" and comments are for my beginning son who's 8.
Hi Charlie
Here is a few rules that I teach beginning players, 6 year old to 80 year olds.
After they get better then they can make changes. I am assuming they know how to move the pieces.
RULES FOR BEGINNERS
1. You touch a piece, you move that piece. So sit on your hands until you know what you are going to move. For an example of this, watch films of the 1972 world chess championship
2. You let go of the piece, you can't take it back.
3. Always open with the King or Queen pawns, two spaces. Bull, If you want to play f4, or c4, sorry denver
4. Move the knight out first and the bishop out next when playing white. The Bishops opening e4 e5 Bc4 can be extremely fun, and is typicaly tactical, plus you can find yourself in a favorable variation of the italian game or four knights opening
5. Then Castle on the 4th move king side. against sicillian, if your opponent castles kingside, do the same, if he castles queenside then go Kside, if any thing else, your decision, but generaly by move ten be castled
6. Never move the three pawns in front of the castled king. Unless you have too, to save a mate. Sometimes a pawn storm is ok, just be sure your opponent has NO and I mean NO long term threats on your king
7. You shake hands before the game and shake hands after the game. Unless online then say hi or good luck
8. Smile whether you win or lose. There will always be another game. Fine, sometimes it is good to congradulate your opponent if he found a Phildor Mate or something
9. Learn the scholar's mate and don't get mated on the weak squares. F7 and F2. Beware of threats on those squares in general, and notice that the weak square often shifts, to say h2/7 and g2/7
This are important for all beginners. But there are exceptions
Bye for now I hope this is what you wanted.
here is my addition
Rarely if ever place your knight on the rim, sometimes it can be good, for example to make room for a pawn storm which you immediately plan on advancing the knight or returning it after the pawn push, or if there is a fork
Oct 31, 2011
0
#27
Jetfighter:
This is a 8 year old beginner. Yes there are many things that he has to learn. He just started and he doesn't understand a pawn storm, he won't know a Sicillian. He is just happy to play what he knows. He is already overwhelmed. You suggest given the poor kid to many tips, suggestions he probably doesn't know en-passant. I know that the dad has to decide what is going to be best for him.
Also don't overload the father.
Try looking at it from his eyes and mind, not yours.
Denver
Rule #6 - All hate is self-hate (huh?).
Rule #7 - There is NO rule 7!
Rule #8 - No pooftahs.
Rule #9-The only rule to which there is no exceptions is Rule #9.
I learnt that the hard way when I thought that when people said to seize the centre, they meant at ALL COSTS(see "A little opening I made" for a real life example of why this doesn't work).
Rule #10 - If you post an opening that turns out to be kinda goofy, don't delete it cuz it leaves the rest of us scratching our heads wondering how bad it could've been. 
Nov 1, 2011
0
#31
DENVERHIGH wrote:
Jetfighter:
This is a 8 year old beginner. Yes there are many things that he has to learn. He just started and he doesn't understand a pawn storm, he won't know a Sicillian. He is just happy to play what he knows. He is already overwhelmed. You suggest given the poor kid to many tips, suggestions he probably doesn't know en-passant. I know that the dad has to decide what is going to be best for him.
Also don't overload the father.
Try looking at it from his eyes and mind, not yours.
Denver
good point, I tend to treat people as if they have more understanding then most would give them credit for
Rule #11 - Don't trust computers for early-opening evaluations.
Rule #13 - No shirt, no shoes, you'll fit right in at the chess club.
AndyClifton wrote:
Rule #10 - If you post an opening that turns out to be kinda goofy, don't delete it cuz it leaves the rest of us scratching our heads wondering how bad it could've been.
Rule 10, Exception 1:Unless it involves a bishop sacrifice in return for a temporary hold over the centre, and is really, really lame.
Those two in the OP re good, but there is a ton missing.
Rule #14 - All love is self-love.
My rule # 1 for beginners do not place one of your bishops in front of your center pawns in the opening ( kills development). Rule # 2 never resign play until you are mated let your opponent teach you the most difficult aspect of chess, delivering checkmate on an opposing king! 
The real Rule #1:
Until you can beat me, you are pondlife.