First live game in years - how bad was I?

I'm getting back into chess after taking a couple decades off to do other stuff,   and want to get my brain turned on again.    

I think I opened strong, and fell apart in the midgame.   I'm also slow as mud developing my positions - I need to focus more on my goals and not let myself get distracted.

Thoughts, advice, feedback?  Constructive criticism?   Ruthless gutting of my every move?  

As a quick note - your f3/f4 pawn push and rook capture was a mistake because your f pawn is pinned to your King. Black can recapture 17...Qxe5 without losing his Queen.

Yeah, what the little one said. But you were doing fine until 18. cxd4, where you lose at least a rook. Having been a piece up, you're then down by an exchange and a pawn and in a weak position. As for playing Qg4 earlier, it wouldn't have helped much, since black already had the attack going.

On move 14, you could have saved your pawn by returning with your knight to f3, although this way you were able to use your opponent's ineptitude to your advantage.

Overall, it wasn't bad. By not playing for a long time, you've probably lost your "eye" for obvious tactics and immediate threats. With a little bit of practice, you should get back on your feet just fine.

i think you should've played f4 on the 15. move, a fork-attacking the knight and the queen at the same moment...

When I joined chess.com I had not played an OTB game in 3-4 years, and I was certainly rusty. Hence I have sympathy. I hate to think how bad I'd be if I was out for 15 years, so I don't think you were that bad. Here are my observations:

You are right that you got a better opening. You had plenty chances to play Bxh6 before you finally did. Move 9 was probably early enough; interestingly this was the first time you made a move that you are not really sure why. The reason being you could get a strong attack on the h6 pawn.

11.Nh4 seems positionally pointless. Knights are better in the centre anyway and I can't see where the plan is. Since you decided to play b4 on the previous move, you might as well have followed up with b5, kicking the knight away from its duties. You seem to have been so concerned that b4 was attacking the bishop you didn't see what to follow it up with.

14.Kf1?? - blunder. You (and your opponent, obviously) missed 14...Rxf2+, forcing 15.Kf1 followed by 15... Rd2+, winning your queen for rook with a discovered check. Alternatively, 15...Qxg3 threatens mate in 2; I'm in a hurry and can't quite see if you'd be able to avoid it.

Moves 15, 16 and 17 were all weak - there is no point in this f4 idea anyway as the pawn is pinned; for the same reason you cannot take the knight on e5. You got away with this one too but by now were in a bad way, and when you followed up with cxd4 it was only a matter of time before you lost.

I hope this is helpful to you, and like has been said above, do not be alarmed - chess form does drop considerably when you are out of the game for any length of time.

Oh yeah, there's that. But I don't see how you get mate in two with 15... Qxg3. You only lose your queen with 16. hxg3. If you were thinking of 16... Rf4+ Kh1 17. Rxh4, it loses to 17... gxh4.

Yeah, the whole 14. Kf1??? thing - fortunately your weak opponent didn't see he could win your Queen out of hand. But looking back earlier, you had a huge position after the first four moves thanks to your opponent's fiddling about with that silly Bishop venture. You had a bee in your bonnet about fianchettoing the King's Bishop when you had no need in that position - the Bishop probably belongs on d3 here where it can support a King's side attack after you have castled and got your remaining pieces out. When you're miles ahead in development (unchallenged centre control, and your enemy's only developed piece stranded offside) you should aim to create some pressure and keep it up, not go in for slow methods. What's the Bishop on g2 going to do for you anyway?

"Let's chase the Bishop more" on move 10 - all you did was chase it to a better square, especially since you've weakened f2 with your Rook move. Instead you should be bringing your Q-side pieces out - Bxh6 followed by Nd2 has nothing much wrong with it. You can't trap the Bishop even if you follow up with a4 and a5 - he can play a6 to give it a bolt-hole.

15. f4 doesn't win you a piece thanks to your King being on the same file (don't like your King being smothered? There are worse threats) even if you hadn't fingerslipped the pawn to f3 instead. Meanwhile you're stripping the pawn cover from in front of your own King. A fianchetto with Rook on f1 is a nice solid defensive position, at least. The position after Re1, Kf1 and pawn to f4? Not so much.

On move 17, instead of trying to focus on your checkmate, you should have been focussed on not losing your Rook. 17. ... Qxe5, and you can't take with the f-pawn as your King would be in check. Fortunately your opponent obliges by not seeing it. And fortunately for him, you oblige with another blunder. After 18. ...Bxd4 there's no help for your Rook on a1 and Black is threatening to take it and gain tempo with an attack on your Queen. Bet you wished you hadn't pushed the b-pawn at this point.

20. Qg4+ would not have saved you - you don't have a worthwhile follow-up after 20. ... Kh8. And 21. Nhf3 would do a better job of munch-avoidance. Then your brain has indeed melted if you think 23. fxe6 would have helped... you're not allowed to put yourself into check. Still, 23. Ke2 is just sticking your head in the lion's mouth, with all those open lines and active Black pieces.

Nemmind. We all need practice.

Excellent feedback - thank you all.   Gil-Galend, your point re: dismantling my own castling is particularly well taken.