I'm new...please be gentle!

Haven't played since I was 7 and coming back to playing chess after almost 20 years. Have just done a bit of reading and played a few games against Shredder on my Android so trying to build some experience before taking on some humans. If anyone could point out some paricularly good or stupid moves in the below with some reasons or give me any general tips that occur to you as you have a look then that'd be great. Also, is playing against Shredder a good idea to get started or could it give me a distorted view of the world?

first, think of chess as a war between armies and you are the general. Without  you everyone else patiently waits for orders that never come. Your king is you on the board. Protect your king, do you know what castling is? if not learn it and you might have won this game. the goal of the game is to take the other player's king, do not worry about taking a piece when you have check mate in one, and vice versa, do not take a piece when you need to move your king to safety. Second, analyze the position, if your opponent has a bishop on the light squares, avoid putting your king(or major pieces (queen/rooks) on light squares. third, Protect every piece at all times. fourth, look for coordination, if your bishop is on a diagonal, put your pieces on that diagnal and they will be protected by the bishop. that is one example. 

I would like to correct myself, black should block with pawn to e6