10 best 'what NOT to do' tips in Chess

It was just a segueway for the joke about failing to think.

hurt kid heal french

I think the thread you're looking for is that way ------->

"Never apologise, never explain."

do not resign when your winning

The best advice I ever read was by Eugene Znosko-Borovsky in his book "How Not To Play Chess." He advised against making mistakes.

On very strong CC player told me he thinks up his best moves using his peg-in set while sitting on the toilet.

Don't put your queen and king on the same file, especially if it's an open file.

It usually ends with hurtfull pins.

Heck no.  Eat, converse.  They go back to your place and show off your fancy marble or wood laid board and your heavy bottom championship pieces.  

Then hope you don't get beat 

Jeeze, I don't know -- this could go either way depending on what the position demands.

never force your opponent to make a strong move

Sorry no.

Always force your opponent to make a strong move.

A knight on the rim is dim!!!!!!!!!

Don't assume an attack is sound by calculating a few lines and seeing tricks your opponent can fall into - at times, you'll be surprised at the defensive possibilities your opponent may have and they'll easily use their extra material to mop you up. In particular, Korchnoi was (and still is) famous for goading an opponent's attack, battling against it with his monstrous tactical vision, and quietly letting his opponent resign down pieces and pawns with no compensation.

Along the same lines, but more powerful: Never assume that your opponent won't make one of the strongest moves on the board. If you can, find a way to counter his strong replies before you make your move - that is the foundation of playing chess well.

Do not give another penny to Jeremy Silman until he walks the walk and becomes a GM.

Do not buy another Susan Polgar DVD until she stops giving her lover 'things to do' in the background.  (Basically, reading out the moves.)

Don't rob your boyfriend of his manhood by becoming better than him at chess...that is, if you want him to play with you.

Don't expect your grandmother will keep playing chess with you if, while you're getting better, she's begun losing her faculties to Alzheimer's. (Sniffle )

Oh, one actual realization I had yesterday when I kept making this mistake in the tactics trainer:  if you find a good check with a bishop or rook that's protected by the queen from capture by the king DON'T forget that the queen would be inversely protected by that piece and just might be the difference between mate and checkmate!!  (Hey, I'm still a relative beginner. Probably obvious to most players.)

Never tip all of the peices off of the table to resign, no matter how frustrated you are. Just gracefully tip your King over.

Dont move before asking yourself, "Why did my opponent make his last move; what was he trying to accomplish?" Then ask yourself if you care.

don't give away a knight, a queen, a rook and get checkmated in consecutive moves.