There's ingenuity in your post, but how come your rating is 1057?
8 Steps to Rank 1500
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With all due respect half of your opinions are only applicable to online chess and will NOT make one a better player.
But I think your joking lool
You forget the most important step.
Step 9. Buy dozens of chickens (or small goats also acceptible), give them names Knight, Bishop, Queen, Rook and Pawn. Before each game player should sacrifice one of them and have eat it for a win. The All-Mighty Chess Gods (Fork, Skewer and X-Ray) will help you, doubtlessly. Of course one should eat them very slow, at least 3 minutes per a piece.
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Dang Yeltchaninov, I can tell your a master at my style hope to learn from ya's.
These are actually good points. crude and savage buy good. Over all be patient , win or lose.
Pretty sure that 4 is indeed against the rules.
@madhacker No! you have friends over that tip you a move is teaching or coaching. I did not say that they play for you.
Step 1. Know thy apponents time zone! If it's 4 am in the UK play UK players. They have greater chance at being tired!
Step 2. NEVER play a new opening! You want to know every in's and out's of your set up!
Step 3. Never move faster than 1 piece per 3 mins. You will be surprised at how many people resign just because it's too slow. Hey if they want a fast game they need to set the timer for it.
Step 4. Play with friends who are good along side you! They can help it's not against any rules.
Step 5. When in doubt stall it out! Alright don't be a complete C--K on this one. If you know your going to lose just play a bit slower and hope they resign. 7 minute moves will usually do the trick.
Step 6, Flip a coin. Seriously players under 1500 blunder bad and if they don't know what your trying to do it flubbs the game a little.
Step 7, In the chat box put up yummy names of food. Cheese burgers, Oreo's, Pizza. Hopefully the trick to this is get them to feel hungry. Hey a win is a win. Even if they did lose to a time out!
Step 8, Never play a game shorter than 45 mins! You need to make them pay for winning! Seriously make it painful!
Good luck hope this helps your Ranking!!!!