All Out Attack?

I've noticed recently that the main way that I get destroyed (not just beaten but beaten hard) is by people who go for huge attacks immediately. The key aspects of these attacks are not castling, taking the queen out very early, and waiting for the opponent to castle and then doing a huge pawn storm. I've decided to try some of these strategies because, at least at my level (low), they seem to work for most. Do you think this is because most amateurs are ineffective defenders? That's what I think, because often when this strategy is done against me, my opponent loses a ton of material and I'm obviously winning, but then I make one mistake involving defense of my king and I'm destroyed immediately.

Also: Good defensive books or other resources to learn proper defense?

That is the way to learn.

Most amateurs hang pieces all the time, and under pressure, they even hang more pieces.

Share some games where you got killed by an all out attack with your thoughts. And ill help you.