Bringing Chess into the modern world

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Avatar of rich34788
Beast719 wrote:

 As we near the beginning of a new millennium...


Blimey, that came around again quick!

Avatar of Kupov
Beast719 wrote:

Chess was invented more than a hundred years ago and since its inception the world has changed beyond recognition but chess has stuck steadfastly to its old traditions stuck in a time-warp.  As we near the beginning of a new millennium I think it would be a good time for chess to update: to get with it; to modernise and so retain its appeal to the next generation of younger players.

There must be literally hundreds of ways of doing this so I have come up with three - my triplet of ideas:

Bishops: when chess was invented the church was actually quite powerful and through torture and repression most of the Western world was forced to attend mass.  In the modern era where less than 1% of the population actually believes any of this Religious schtick any more and even fewer go to church it is an anathema that Bishops are still so powerful on the chess-board.  I would propose that they are greatly emasculated: they still move diagonally but only one square at a time.  And they should be multi-denominational.
Knights: Are you having a laugh?  The last time that cavalry was used in a real war situation was at Beenie during the ill-fated charge of the Light Brigade.  Horses are an anachronism in the modern world and in most European countries they are now used only for food.  Instead replace the Knight with a modern tank and instead of an L shaped move let its move be the diagonal of a rectangle.
Pawns:  What are they supposed to be? (From the medieval acronym Peasants And Women later with advent of N into English - becoming Pawn???) As a great philosopher once said "Children are the future" and so they should be in chess.  The pawns should be children and they should move one or two forwards or backwards depending on what they feel like.  Needless to say Bishops will not be allowed on adjacent squares to the pawns.


Any other ideas?


Are you having a laugh?

Is he having a laugh?

Avatar of Beast719
mosqutip wrote:
Beast719 wrote:
And I have something to add to your previous topic about chess for Americans, which was unfortunately closed

 I agree it was a total travesty that the American admins could not take a joke.


This is why America is so great: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEIA2j3ZlCg

WARNING: language


 Loving that clip!

Avatar of jpd303

Kurpov, beast is hilariously funny, i believe that hes got a few facts wrong...one chess was invented by bobby fischer less than one hundred years ago...two, bishops dont have relations with little children priests and mike jackson do...so the bishop should be renamed the Jackson wich can still move diagonally but changes color halfway through the game...three, kights are still around and active, paul mccartney and elton john are knights so maybe we could rename them musicians and they get to play on even after theyre useful to the game...queens have a new meaning in todays age and mostly live in areas like san fransisco, so they can move anyway but straight...kings are archaic and outdated, we could rename the king the Bush and it hids in a corner when thretened and cant make any descisions just follow the advice of the new piece the Cheney(replacing the rook) which like the queen but in someway diffferent can only move crookedly and covertly...

Avatar of Writch
jpd303 wrote:

Kurpov, beast is hilariously funny, i believe that hes got a few facts wrong...one chess was invented by bobby fischer less than one hundred years ago...two, bishops dont have relations with little children priests and mike jackson do...so the bishop should be renamed the Jackson wich can still move diagonally but changes color halfway through the game...three, kights are still around and active, paul mccartney and elton john are knights so maybe we could rename them musicians and they get to play on even after theyre useful to the game...queens have a new meaning in todays age and mostly live in areas like san fransisco, so they can move anyway but straight...kings are archaic and outdated, we could rename the king the Bush and it hids in a corner when thretened and cant make any descisions just follow the advice of the new piece the Cheney(replacing the rook) which like the queen but in someway diffferent can only move crookedly and covertly...


ROFLcopters! 

Best. Reply. Yet!

Avatar of wealybinn
jpd303 wrote:

Kurpov, beast is hilariously funny, i believe that hes got a few facts wrong...one chess was invented by bobby fischer less than one hundred years ago...


 I'm sorry but your getting you facts wrong. Chess was invented in India 2000 years ago. UNLESS Fisher had a time machine and was sent back in time... But he wasnt so there!!! It was a shame that your forum on making chess simpler for Americans got closed. Some people really can't take a joke. tut tut. We come to the conclusion that fisher didnt have a time machine and some Americans dont know much about chess. AND cant take a joke! lol

PS. that was a joke at how people in general cant take joke. In no way was it pointed aTt the Americans. 

PSS. Dont forget to look up the history of chess and GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT!

PSSS. If any Americans were hurt or offended please keep your comments to yourself LOL Joke! Dont forget to accept them everybody!

Avatar of atomichicken
wealybinn wrote:

 


PSS. Dont forget to look up the history of chess and GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT!

 


Um, was there supposed to be some irony in that statement?

Avatar of jpd303

man people just dont understand how great bobby fischer was, duh he had a time machine with a flux capacitor that used trash as a fule sorce and looked like a 1985 delorian sports car...i thought everyone knew that...he didnt MEAN to land in india but the spacetime continum vectored around the intended destination of ancient mexico...i mean seriously fischer really did invent chess though and no we americans cant take jokes cause were too dense to understand absurdity and sarcasm, there totaly foregin concepts to us...really my facts are right i looked 'em up on the internets most trusted websites BJqueenschesshistoryandbarnyardlove.com and earlanswersyourdumbquestions.org 

Avatar of omgCHECKMATE

I THINK WE SHOULD GET DICE INCORPORATED IN CHESS...YOU ROLL SNAKE EYES THEN YOU GET TO HAVE ANOTHER MINOR PIECE!

 

 

Please, chess is the best at its originality...not the very originalist form, but the form we have today will have to do.

Avatar of SchuBomb

Man, this topic gets better and better. No wonder I'm no good at chess, because apparently ability at chess and ability to understand satire are inversely proportional, judging by these forums