@Verkaley don't even think about ratings or winning or losing. don't think about it at all. do what you love because you love it, not because you feel validated.
Thank you for all your feedback
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Jan 5, 2024
0
#23
Play against bots and practice the puzzles and openings/defenses. I've been playing for 35 years on and off, but have never broken 1000. I was actually more highly rated before I began doing actual openings, but I am getting better.
If you lose a few games, go back to doing puzzles and learning. Yes, it's hella frustrating and disheartening to lose, especially repeatedly, but its at that point that you should take a break.
And always remember those times you played a really good, solid game. You know you can do it again eventually.
long_quach wrote:
breezehappysquirrel wrote:
LoL why are you this vexed?
It is no laughing matter. Lol = laugh out loud.
Chess originated in India.
Gambling originated in China.
We are all aware of gambling addiction.
It can happen in chess too.
@breezehappysquirrel
You have to know why people are "vexed".
You are like a car, with a gas and a brake pedal.
If a car has worn brakes, something wrong with the brakes, something wrong with the brake fluids (I'm not a car mechanic, I don't know); I do know about bicycle brakes, when they are worn, you are in trouble. If you cannot stop a bicycle as it goes downhill through a red light, you're dead.
Some people do not have the brakes on their emotions. They are like a car running without brakes. And they cannot stop themselves. And they will crash.
That is why. You must know why.
You say OP's post is long and rambling yet you post long messages like this... the irony
Also, take time to focus on other things. Hyperfocus on chess will ruin other factors of your life. Take a break.
Jan 5, 2024
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#26
A few thoughts to add to the mix:
You mention feeling empty, sad, angry, etc., many times and talk about chess being the only thing that makes you feel good and alive, but that losing makes you feel worse. Optimissed hit the nail on the head - while reading your whole post, I was thinking exactly the same thing. You say you're not depressed, but I'm not sure you have enough life experience to truly recognize the symptoms. My job is counseling people struggling with depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. - everything you describe indicates you may very well be depressed - and that's completely normal, literally everyone feels this way at some point.
Teens are in a life stage where hormones are up, down, all over the place - it's not unusual to feel all the things you're feeling - but a medical check-up or even therapy may help clarify whether you could benefit from medication or just a professional who can help you navigate what you're feeling. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your mom - try talking to her about it. Physical activity, sunlight, vitamin D, social connection, finding other things that you enjoy (creative hobbies or social/physical/outdoor activities) - these are also great ways to work out the anger and boost neurotransmitters that will generally make you feel better. Sounds like you're relying on the dopamine hits from chess to make you feel good right now, but those hits don't last.
Some people are dumping on you for writing such a long post here, but it takes guts to say all these things and actually ask for advice. You did it in an anonymous space and got some feedback; I hope you take the next step and say this to someone who cares about you - in person. FWIW, life is long and unpredictable and you'll probably feel this way many times - learning how to manage this feeling early in life is a much more important skill than chess.
Jan 5, 2024
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#27
@Verkaley
Read my post, you might not find yourself in my shoes, but if you do, then please know that you probably aren't alone.
So if you are not able to relate to me, then just please take a few breaks. Your mental health is at the line here. I know what it feels like to be hooked. All of a sudden my life dissolved into the 64 squares, and I loved it. But I also hit excruciatingly frustrating plateaus.
I burnt out several times last year, not just from chess. If you don't take a break, you are going to burn out, and it won't feel very nice.
When I felt the same thing, I took breaks, a few days at a go. It helped a lot.
Also, for the love of god, studying openings. You don't need them. You seem to be a highly gifted or hardworking individual considering you managed to reach 1200 on chess.com within 3 months. It took me several months to achieve that, and I'm regarded as a chess genius.
Also, develop a good attitude towards your elo. Having elo insecurity hindered me a lot and so I started playing a bit more on lichess.
How about you reconnect with your mom, your friends, your clubs? You can't live from chess. If you try, you could go insane.
Many people have felt this as a punishment for falling in love with such a soul crushingly difficult game, I would fully call chess a sport, because the people who don't play it have no idea how excruciatingly mentally and physically demanding it can get.
So take a few breaks. Stop. You're destroying yourself. You could succeed.
I think this happens in every type of game you play, if you give them enough importance, it's important to do someting else, stop playing for a while, do something you like, this has happened to me in other games, sometimes I just play awful and it makes me feel bad, but I try to stop for a while.
In chess I guess It's important to analyze your games and the mistaked you do, try to do something new.